Our bartender: Toronto's queer communities are rallying for 'cherished matriarch' Patricia Wilson

Queeries is a weekly column by CBC Arts producer Peter Knegt that queries LGBTQ art, culture and/or identity through a personal lens.

Last week, Toronto's queer communities were dealt a heartbreaking blow: Patricia Wilson, the beloved bartender at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre for nearly 30 years, announced that she "had agreed to be terminated."

The news came in the midst of ongoing turmoil at Buddies, including the entire board of directors resigning in January. But for so many folks, hearing of Wilson's seemingly hasty departure was devastating on a deeply personal level. Because Wilson was so much more than a bartender: she was truly the guardian angel of queer Toronto.

As much as Buddies in Bad Times has been an artistic hub for queer performing arts in Toronto, it has also been an integral space for building the community it represents. Whether it was for a play, a comedy show, a poetry reading or a dance party, we have gathered at Buddies — and Wilson has always been there to greet us. For decades, she was essentially our cherished matriarch, gently ushering so many of us (including myself, as I noted in this 2019 column on Wilson's book of poetry) into our queer lives and identities.

The idea of losing Patricia at a time when Toronto's LGBTQ scene has already been so dramatically ruptured by the pandemic was simply too much to take — so the communities decided to rally for our bartender.

A few days after Wilson announced her termination, Michelle Mama and Alex Tigchelaar organized a fundraiser that asked the folks whose lives Wilson has touched to give her one last "tip."

"Patricia is not just a bartender — she is a matriarch of the queer community in Toronto," Mama tells me over email. "She raised us, taught us, scolded us, protected us and loved us. The thought of her being in any peril or insecurity as a queer elder is just unbearable, and as we've seen through the incredible outpouring of affection for her online, we're all committed to protecting her at all costs —  no matter where her journey takes her next."

The response to the campaign has been staggering. In less than a week, nearly 800 individual donations have been made as the fundraiser has far surpassed its initial goal of $30,000 to raise over $60,000 and counting. And the messages left with the donations have made it beautifully clear why. 

"This wondrous soul, just by her sheer existence, has validated and celebrated every wondrous aspect of our community in its sweetest and purest form," one person wrote. "It is high time that she felt just a bit of the love that she is solely responsible for generating."

"Thank you for keeping my son safe," wrote another.

Tigchelaar says that "it is no joke" that Wilson "touched thousands of people over the years and people are really coming forward to show their gratitude for that." 

"Obviously the one where a mother thanked her for keeping her son safe absolutely ended me for a few hours. And the ones where people talk about her protecting them just paint such a vivid picture of her fierce, lioness persona. Our queer histories are held by and through a person like Patricia. We all know this, of course, but it has become so visibly evident over the past four days. "

I reached out to Wilson, asking her how she felt about the response to the fundraiser. This was her reply:

"Sometimes in our lives, if we are lucky, we are given the opportunity to gaze down the road that we have travelled to get to the point where you are now and really see the journey that defined who you are now. Of course there are many roads in the journey, but there is always the defining path that leaves you stunned at how little power you have had in your own making to this point."

"As I reflect upon the outpouring of love that continues to overwhelm me, I weep because of the emotion true love can cause, but I stand strong in pride and awe of the worth of our community. Thank you all for including me in your paths no matter how short of a time we spent together. You all changed my life, every single one of you, and continue to do so. Thank you for your generosity of love and the legal tender. Let me say that I am very grateful to Michelle Mama and Alex Tigchelaar for convincing me I had to stand back and let people give love and respect and mourn a time gone. xoxoxo"

Toronto was blessed to have Wilson behind that bar for 30 years, and we will be blessed to have the legacy of her contribution to our communities shine a light over so many of us for years and years to come.

You can read more of the outpouring of support for Wilson here.