A Yelp review of the Lunchable my mom packed me
EAST VANCOUVER, B.C.—Any one of my fellow members of the Yelp community who knows me (hey there, Junior Yelpers!) knows that I work hard. Colouring, cutting, basic arithmetic—doesn't matter what it is. If I'm going to put in a solid six-hour day at school, I'm going to require some solid sustenance halfway through. Let's see how the chef (aka my mom, referred to hereafter as Wendy) delivered today.
Presentation - 4/5
Typical of what you would expect from a classic Lunchable (three discrete portions—meat, cheese, crackers). In this case, kielbasa, mozzarella cheese, and a hearty cracker sit together in lovely symmetry. Ice pack a nice touch from Wendy.
No accompanying plate to portion out my meal, so I had to assemble my mini-sandwiches straight from the Lunchable container. I like this simple, rustic approach to presentation, so that's not a problem for me, but another child's tastes may vary. I'm the only kid Wendy makes lunch for, though, so she probably doesn't worry too much about that detail, as she can cater straight to my preferences.
Still, on the off-chance they have another child (it BETTER be a brother!), one would hope that Wendy can change up her tactics. Her recent changes to the breakfast menu (adding grapefruits to the rotation while simultaneously removing marmalade from the spread menu demonstrates a diverse and flexible approach to citrus) shows that she's absolutely open to change.
Ambience - 2/5
My ideal? A smooth jazz soundtrack (not Kenny G–level smooth—save my cheese for the appetizer, please! But in all seriousness, I'm thinking a bit more in the realm of David Sanborn, Dave Koz, early Chris Botti). I love a moderately cool room, with space to move about. That's all—nothing too fancy, but with no major distractions.
I don't expect those just-right conditions at every meal—and I'll tolerate this hot classroom because I know this portable changes with the seasons and that's part of the appeal of this location—but what I will not tolerate is Zack literally wiping his booger on my desk while I eat (our class is a Grade 2/3 split. I don't have to tell you that's the level of class you would only see from a Grade 2). And Zack's whiny Grade 2 voice certainly doesn't compare to the mellow grace of a Botti trumpet solo.
Flavour - 3.4/5
What can one say about a Lunchable? They're never trying to hit it out of the park, but they deliver exactly what you've come to expect every single time, and that kind of consistency is important in a chef.
However, I've recently begun experimenting with some spicier cured meats while sneaking downstairs to my parents' dinner parties, so the extremely mild kielbasa is beginning to lose its appeal to me a bit, as is the cheese, which is markedly free of intensity.
Don't get me wrong, I'll always enjoy a Lunchable, but perhaps they could develop a separate, spicier version, for big boys in Grade 3. This low-energy mozzarella is also starting to seem like second-grade stuff. I'll pass that note along to Wendy, who may well be excited at the opportunity to test my tastebuds.
Overall - 3.3/5
Was glad to encounter this old favourite, and will encourage Wendy to keep it in the regular rotation, perhaps with some modifications (sriracha on the side)? The possibility of bringing in auxiliary condiments to augment the reliable Lunchable base is one that has long excited me. But overall, this meal did the trick as always, and carried me through to a productive afternoon. Thank you, chef.
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