Latest from Joel Buxton
EAT UP
6 office lunches to guarantee no co-workers bother you on your lunch break
Better to avoid this situation in the first place by preparing these quick and easy lunches that repel any possibility of social interaction.
DOES NOT FEEL FINE
REM sees surge in royalties as nuclear tensions escalate
While many have cited 2017 as a banner year for alarming world events, the band REM reports a massive upswing in royalties for their hit song about end times.
BANKING
Scotiabank's new slogan: 'You're Richer Than You Think. Except You, Jeff, You Owe Us $60,000'
Responding to pressure from truth-in-advertising advocate groups, Scotiabank has announced a modification to its longstanding marketing slogan.
NOBODY ASKED
As Canada turns 150, Trump declares it too old to sexually harass
U.S. President Donald Trump stated that unfortunately, as Canada’s 150th birthday approaches, he now considers the country too old to sexually harass.
HOLIDAYS
Treat the Men's Rights Activist in your life to one of these snug Christmas sweaters
Every December it’s the same tragedy: where are the Christmas sweaters that draw attention to society’s ongoing oppression of males? Not this year, ma’am.
Yelp reviews of disgusting nature
Yesterday I woke up before dawn and wandered down to the public beach. I found a perfect spot, but someone had left a used condom there. So I found another really good spot with no condoms and settled in to watch the sunrise.
What to do if you swallow your gum and you're approaching 40
DON’T PANIC. Even if you’re getting pretty close to 40, gum will not immediately kill you, and may not even kill you at all.
5 famous Canadians reveal their most brutal rejection letters
Did you know that many famous and beloved Canadians faced discouragement on the road to success? We got our hands on five of their most scathing and surprising rejection letters. Bet the dorks who wrote these are kicking themselves now, unless they’re dead!
Starbucks to offer award for first loiterer to finish goddamn screenplay
Starbucks has announced a new cash award this morning for people who “finish their goddamn screenplay already.”
Know your enemy: the definitive guide to the war on raccoons
Toronto Mayor John Tory has shown us the true meaning of bravery and declared war on the raccoon. These godless heathens are a greater threat to society than drugs, terror, and obesity combined.