Competing with White House drama, Trudeau demands 24 Sussex plumber's resignation

OTTAWA, ON—Our homegrown government hijinks may not be as flashy as the Americans, but the prime minister is making sure we get our small share of dramatics anyway, doing his bit to keep up with the big boys down south.

It may not be Anthony Scaramucci bullying out both Sean Spicer and Reince Priebus within the course of a few days, then Scaramucci himself getting a surprise ejection, but try telling Milt Yankovich, the official plumber of the Canadian government for the past 17 years, that his dismissal isn't big "American-style" news after he was abruptly and unceremoniously fired by Justin Trudeau early this morning.

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"I feel a bit suspicious about the whole thing, to be honest," says Yankovich. "There's never been any bad blood between me and the prime minister. I've kept the taps running and the toilets unclogged. I mean, that's really all there is to being a plumber, right? It seems like a big job, but I can't really think of anything else you're in charge of."

"Nope, there's nothing else, really, I just thought about it some more and there isn't," he adds.

Asked to speculate, Yankovich says he suspects motives other than the free flow of fluoridated fluids through the official residence's pipes may have played into the decision.

"Justin was walking around with his tablet, surfing the internet. Very cool modern guy, surfs the internet a lot. And he was saying how every single headline was about Trump and all the shake-ups down there. Hadn't been anything about Trudeau in a few days. He even tried crashing a bar mitzvah yesterday, and nothing!" says Yankovich.

"So when he walked in and demanded my resignation, and then called the PR team so they could see what was going on, and also TMZ, CNN, and MuchMusic for some reason, and "the lying New York Times whom I still greatly respect" as he called it, which I have never heard him say before—well it just seemed to me he was trying to create some minor hoopla just for minor hoopla's sake. Like, he mumbled something about water pressure but you could tell he didn't believe that and neither did I."

"I'm not even sure how you demand a plumber's resignation," concluded Yankovich. "I kind of worked on a case-by-case basis. But sure. I resign. Fine. I've got lots of clients; I never stop working, my water never stops flowing. I actually just got a great contract for Trump Towers."

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