Excuse me? What are you calling 'soft' wood lumber?
An op-ed by a beaver
Oh, hey! Sorry, I didn't see you there! Just was busy doing some reading.
Just. Been doing. A bit. Of. Reading.
Seen a lot of discussion lately about softwood lumber duties in this country of ours.
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I'll tell you who has the real softwood lumber duties: me. And I'm here to tell you, it's still pretty damned hard (NO pun intended).
You ever try biting through a cedar, pine, or spruce? Uhhhh, I'll be honest with you, pal, it's still really hard.
Actually, here's a fact you probably don't know, because how often do you even think about us beavers, except when you get a shiny new nickel? More beaver-biting injuries (or BBIs as we call them) happen when biting into these "softwoods," because beavers let their guards down.
"Hey, isn't this juniper? I heard that's softwood. In the news," said my friend Harold the other day. Two seconds later he's in the Beaver Dentist Office (BDO) because he eased up on his bite.
You're. Still. Biting. Through. A. G.D. TREE.
So do me a favour, huh? Call it wood. It's wood. It's all wood. Maybe call it "The Only Kind Of Wood That I, A Human, Am Able To Build A House With Very Easily."
Not very snappy, is it? Well guess what? Neither is softwood. It snaps with a LOT of effort, from a LOT of beavers, and I'm tired of you denigrating us. Know who's soft? It's you, buddy. It's you.
Oak is definitely the worst though, yes.
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