Barrie highway introduces new emotional toll
BARRIE, ON—As part of an ongoing effort to maintain a prospering economy without drastically changing the stressful nature of commuting, the highway that runs through Barrie, Ontario has introduced a new emotional toll, which will take effect immediately.
"This is a decision that I have made with the support of the Barrie City Council, and which none of us takes lightly," says Mayor Jeff Lehman.
"I know that many of our residents spend a lot of the time on the highway, commuting in and out of Toronto. I actually think the stress and emotional cost of that journey they already experience may help ease them into this additional duress, which will take effect the moment you merge onto the 400 from any local road, and will be tracked on a feelings transponder. You know, those."
"Of course this only comes into play after you have waited the customary hour for your Uber and then cancelled it," he continued.
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"This was not an easy choice," says Barry Burns, a member of the Barrie City Council. "Not as easy, for example, as the decision to move to Barrie given that my own name is Barry. That was simple and I like it, I think it's neat. But I think this new toll will add some sort of importance and weight to our municipality here. It's just the idea that as soon as you start your journey in and out, that takes a little bit out of you. You say to yourself, 'Whoa. I'm goin' to Barrie.' Or leaving Barrie. Whatever the case may be."
It's just the idea that as soon as you start your journey in and out, that takes a little bit out of you. You say to yourself, 'Whoa. I'm goin' to Barrie.' Or leaving Barrie.- Barry Burns
"Do you think it's fun that my name is also Barry?" he continued, a question that this reporter was not yet able to honestly answer at press time. It's not spelled the same, for one.
Asked if this will be the end of tolls on the highway, the mayor says nothing is set in stone. "If we find this isn't quite working, we could add something lighter, a cheeriness or joy, or maybe some sort of verve.
Or if things seem to be working well and we want to add to that vibe, we could maybe add sort of a dull heaviness, like what you feel when everyone leaves the room and you have a moment of silence to yourself and you think it will be a relief but you're suddenly face to face with who you are, and you realize you're not 100% sure exactly who that is," said a very tired Lehman.
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