Man spreads legs wide enough to take up entire streetcar
TORONTO, ON—Accomplishing a feat previously thought impossible, Toronto man Brian Hastings, 29, was able to occupy 100% of the 70 seats available on the 510 Spadina streetcar last night.
According to multiple eyewitness accounts, Hastings boarded the northbound car around 5:45 pm, using what was later discovered to be an expired membership card to the hat store Lidz as his proof of payment.
Hastings surveyed the empty streetcar and chose a seat in the middle, at which time he reportedly stretched his legs so far apart that not a single other person was able to board.
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"It was as though he didn't even notice there were other people behind him who also needed to get on that streetcar," recounted local graphic designer Emily Harris. "I mean, I'm used to guys taking up two or even three seats, but I was late for work and it's a $20 Uber from my place. I had to be on that car."
"Honestly, I don't see what the fuss is about," exclaimed mechanic and CFL enthusiast Darrell Jones. "Guys need room for their junk, OK? I don't say anything when some broad walks on carrying a bunch of shopping bags and a big-ass purse. This is just another example of those feminazis trying to push men down. Leave that poor guy alone. People could have waited. The next streetcar was only 37 minutes away."
Hastings remained completely oblivious to the dozens of fellow transit users who were trying to get him to move. Eventually, a frustrated onlooker pointed and shouted the word "boobs!" causing Hastings to leap to his feet and quickly look behind him. Three people were then able to board the streetcar during this brief window before Hastings sat back down, put in his ear buds, and hit shuffle on his Kid Rock playlist.
The situation reached a climax as the driver stopped the car to ask Hastings if he would move so that other passengers could take advantage of the seating on the TTC. Hastings allegedly looked up from his iPhone, removed one ear bud, and simply asked, "What?"
Hey, remember when those people had sex on a streetcar? That was weird:
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