Man with nothing to say about Prince has never felt more alone
TORONTO, ON—It's been a little over a week since the death of recording artist Prince and fans and fellow artists continue to flood social media with moving tributes to the fallen musical icon, all of which has left Ben Krantz, a man with no feelings about Prince whatsoever, feeling confused, perplexed and lonely.
"Seems like everyone other than me has some sort of deep, almost spiritual connection to the guy," said Krantz, a man who has somehow never been moved by 1988's seminal Lovesexy, to say nothing of '90s deep cuts like Cream and Dinner With Dolores. Added Krantz: "I had no idea. Prior to last week I can't recall ever having a single conversation about Prince with anyone. I'm feeling a little side-swiped by the whole thing to be honest."
As stories of transcendent performances, transformational experiences, and life changing encounters pile up, the 40-year-old systems analyst has become an increasingly solitary figure given his inability to conjure even the most trite or uninspired reaction to the singer's demise.
Indeed, sources close to Krantz have confirmed that he is yet to "like" a single status commemorating the flamboyant and innovative performer, nor has he shared a single guitar solo, "secret show" clip, or moving cover of one of his songs. Puzzled and feeling more and more like a stranger in his own life, Krantz admits to being "overwhelmed" by the sheer volume of sentiment making the rounds on Facebook, Twitter and the talk show circuit, as colleagues, dear friends and celebrities alike seem bonded by a bottomless shared grief over the loss an artist to whom he has never paid a passing thought.
"Don't get me wrong, I had nothing against the guy. I just kind of never got into him. Guess I'm the only one," sighed the only living human who can't so much as hum the melody to Doves Cry.
At press time, Krantz was reportedly sitting alone and bewildered in a quiet corner at work as his purple and paisley clad colleagues gyrated and sang along to Alphabet Street in Conference Room B.