PEI to punish drunk drivers with Nickelback music even though 73% of drunk drivers are members of Nickelback

CHARLOTTETOWN, PEI—In either a bold statement of defiance or a gross miscalculation, the Prince Edward Island police force has announced they will be going ahead with their plan to punish drunk drivers by playing Nickelback albums in the squad car, even after statistics show that 73% of all impaired driving offenses are committed by members of the popular post-grunge/hard rock band.

Nickelback, whose 2001 debut Silver Side Up went 8x platinum and who, between the four members, accounted for 2,842 of last year's 3,400 drunk driving arrests in this country, have offered no comment on the matter. Staff Sgt. Garry Coleman, however, suspects the band might have mixed feelings.

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"That said, even if we were to go through with the idea and play that band's music for the next drunk driver we haul into the station, considerably more than seven times out of 10, that's gonna be a guy from that band anyway, the drummer maybe, so he might not be too bugged about listening to it. And then the joke would be on us."

At press time, a police spokesperson issued a release clarifying that the 73% figure did not include any members of Nickelback's labelmates Theory of a Deadman.

How to help new Canadians understand our feelings about Nickelback:

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