STUDY: Spouses text "k" not because they're mad, but because of Canada's outrageously expensive data plans
VICTORIA, B.C.—Relationships across Canada have been salvaged this week when a study revealed that many text message conversations were closed with a simple "k" not because the sender was feeling angry or hostile in any way, but because he or she was terrified that the texting of any further characters would exceed the limit of their prohibitively expensive Canadian data and texting plan.
"I just couldn't risk it," says Bill Cobb of Burnaby. "I know that eight usual texts, or one picture of a simple white square, takes me to 75% of my monthly limit. That's why I end a conversation with a k—and no period. I haven't typed a period in five years."
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"I have friends in many other countries. I'm not bragging, I just do. And they can text whatever they wanted," says Colleen Hambleton, a Rogers customer. "They are so free. They could say, 'Good morning, supercalafragilisticexpialdacious' if they wanted to. Sometimes they do, I'm sure, just because they can, just to feel that wind in their hair. Whereas my nickname for my husband is L. Just L. I truly love him, but can't afford to risk a fun long one like 'honeybunch.' Oh god, I shudder just saying it. I'm so glad we're not conducting this interview via text message."
"My daughter and I have a code," continued Hambleton. "If she is in trouble, she sends me an emoji of an apple. If she is fine, she sends me an emoji of a tomato. I do mistake the apple for the tomato a lot. Like, a LOT."
At press time it was still widely believed, however, that if someone texts back the word "yep," your relationship is certainly over.
And don't waste my data with a bunch of LinkedIn invites either:
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