Yahoo hackers threaten to reveal you still have a Yahoo email address

SILICON VALLEY, CA—After an explosive hack of over one billion Yahoo email addresses earlier this week, people all over the world now find themselves held in a compromising position, terrified that the hackers will reveal to the world that they still have a Yahoo email address in the year 2016.

"It's bad," says cyber security expert Tandy Fawkes. "I'm not going to deny that it's very bad. Of course there are worse situations — we all know the real thing they can hold over your head is a Hotmail address, and they would have you there. That's the kind of thing that can end a career, ruin a life. This isn't quite to that level, but it's very bad, and people are aware of this. And they're scared."

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Speaking on the condition of anonymity, Yahoo email user (again, in the year 2016, almost 2017 now) Mark W. said, "Believe me, my wife would be able to handle it if, say, I had an Ashley Madison account and my name came out in their information leak. In fact, I suppose she did, when I had an Ashley Madison account and my name came out earlier this year in their information leak. She forgave me. But a Yahoo email?! My wife thinks I'm a savvy, modern man. I would never hear the end of it. 'Yahoo?? How could you! I believed you had Gmail! You told me you signed up. I trusted you!' And she would be right to yell at me this way."

"I don't know why I haven't ever made the change," he continues. "I just got comfortable. I got complacent. And some part of me just couldn't let it go."

At press time, security experts were saying that because nobody cares enough to hack the company, there was no reason to worry if you have an AOL address, except of course for the usual reasons.

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