Furious Vancouver protesters sheepishly move into Trump Tower to save on rent
VANCOUVER—An enraged group of protesters gathered outside the Trump Tower on Georgia Street this morning to express their disgust as Donald Jr. and Eric arrived in Vancouver to celebrate the hotel's grand opening.
However, mere minutes into the protest, the tone of the event shifted considerably.
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"Okay hang on, though," protester Barry Rosen suddenly said mid-chant as he eyeballed the hotel's gleaming marble lobby. "I mean, what is it to live in one of those rooms, $550, $600 a night? God damn it. That's half what I'm paying now."
Overhearing Rosen's words, Vivian DeLuca, another protester, immediately put down her neon pink protest sign and began nodding slowly. "I mean, that's about what I pay for my condo now, but I live in a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of a suburb of Surrey. Living in this hotel would put me way closer to work."
As murmurs began to spread through the previously irate crowd, protester Charlie Lyons did a quick count of the crowd, headed to the front desk of the Trump Tower and immediately began booking suites with a concierge named Rhudolllpheau III. Moments later, Lyons emerged with an armful of key cards.
"Okay!" he shouted through his megaphone. "I've got us all booked in here until the end of the summer, so that should give us all a nice break from Vancouver rents."
The crowd erupted into cheers but then quickly fell dead quiet as everyone realized the exquisite betrayal of their values that had just taken place. Moments later though, they began cheering again, which eventually led to an impromptu chant of "2, 4, 6, 8, LIFE IS AT TIMES A LITTLE MORE COMPLICATED THAN MOST PEOPLE APPRECIATE."
The protesters will be spending the rest of the afternoon moving into their respective suites.
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