Man claims to love woman despite subjecting her to public marriage proposal

ALLISTON, ON—According to reports, Brent Wingard of Alliston, Ontario —who last night delivered an extravagant public marriage proposal to girlfriend Britney Laughner at a local junior hockey game — claimed in the proposal to love her very much, despite clearly demonstrating that this was not true by forcing her to endure a public marriage proposal.

"It was so amazing," said Wingard.

"She does not like that kind of attention. Trust me. So she was probably pretty surprised, which is great. She's really just not into that kind of public embarrassment. I'm always telling her 'you gotta loosen up!' in this really affectionate, fun, really loud way. She would never want this to happen, which is why I knew she would be very surprised, and I wanted to surprise her because I love her so very much."

"When they flashed us up on the Jumbotron, she just looked horrified, it was really great," he continued.

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Reached for comment, proposal recipient Laughner would confirm only the basic facts that the proposal occurred and that at the time, she said the word yes.

"Yes. I said yes. When I was asked in front of those 1,700 people who were shrieking and cheering at me like I was Russell Crowe in the 2000 film Gladiator, I said the word 'yes.' I have consulted a lawyer and found that this is not legally binding, and Brent and I have not spoken since the… event."

When I told her that they would probably put it on the news, she literally screamed a wordless scream right into my face!- Hopeless romantic Brent Wingard

"I'm so excited to hear from her," said Wingard.

"She kind of ran away after it. I guess there was just such a rush from the endorphins, the excitement of now being engaged to me, a fully licensed welder. And then this morning my calls wouldn't go through."

"I guess everyone wants to talk to her and congratulate her, and she's probably really busy. They even put it on the news! When I told her that they would probably put it on the news, she literally screamed a wordless scream right into my face! She's so cute."

At press time, Laughner had reportedly created an online dating profile that simply featured the words "Only requirement," "public proposal," and "literally never."

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