New Wave of Standup: What we hate, love and miss about the holiday season
“Christmas can suck on a mistletoe” - Comedian Al Val from The New Wave of Standup.
Christmas music hater? Traumatizing family holiday traditions? Holiday decorations for free? We've all got strange holiday experiences and tastes. The holidays may be even stranger this year during a pandemic, but that just gives us more to joke about.
Canada's hottest new comics, featured in New Wave of Standup share their best and worst holiday experiences.
What's the number one thing you look forward to during the holiday season?
"One of my favourite things to do during Christmas is to spend time with my family. I'm not living in the same province as my family anymore, so that's the most important thing for me. This year I'm going to be staying in Vancouver, so I'm going to miss going back home to Alberta. In terms of activities, my favourite thing to do is watch all the Home Alone movies - 1, 2, 3 - all the way to five. Most people don't know it goes all the way to five." - Ola Dada, Vancouver, BC.
"The number one thing I like to do during the holiday season, is to go out to the wealthy neighbourhoods and look at the holiday decorations. I'm a comedian, I'm never going to live in one of those houses, so it really soothes me." - Cassie Cao, Toronto, ON.
"The thing I look forward to most this holiday season is working so that I can save vacation days for when we're allowed to travel." - Salma Hindy, Toronto, ON.
"This year, the thing I'm excited about is that I get to see my mom - who I like a lot, my mom's cool - and I don't have to see my four brothers, who I don't want to see for… most of the time." - Matty Vu
"I'm trying my best to keep my spirits high by baking a lot, and eating all of that baking... Christmas is no time to be like, 'better watch your waistline or nobody else will' - which is something every uncle has said to me my entire life." - Brittany Lyseng
Christmas can suck on a mistle-toe. - Al Val
While some of us love the holiday joy, it's not for all of us.
"Call me a Grinch, say what you will, but there's a lot about this time of year that annoys the bejesus out of me." says Al Val.
Comedians shared the worst things about this time of year:
"I don't know when we as a society all got together and collectively decided to lie to ourselves about how happy we are just because it's December, but nobody asked me, and I don't like it... It's all a lie - everyone's angry, stressed, it's miserable outside if you live above the 49th parallel. You only need to spend 20 minutes at a crowded shopping mall to know that nobody is as happy as we're told we are." - Al Val
And pa-rum-pa-pum-pum? Get outta here with pa-rum-pa-pum-pum!- Al Val
"The worst of the songs is Little Drummer Boy. All these people showed up to give gifts to Our Lord and Saviour - a newborn baby - and this guy shows up and is like 'I'm gonna give him tinnitus'. He plays the most obnoxious, loud instrument in existence. Sorry drummers, but 10/10 of you get tinnitus from this instrument. How much sense does that make?" - Al Val
For others, it's this holiday-hating attitude that annoys them the most:
"What irritates me the most about this time of the year are people who are like 'I'm a Grinch, I don't like fun, I don't like that you're having fun.'[...] Stop it, just let us all have fun." - Matty Vu
"The thing that irritates me the most about the holiday season is people who refuse to let other people listen to Christmas music whenever they frickin' want. I'll listen to Christmas music in July, you don't get to tell me when I can listen to Christmas music.... Just let me have the feeling!" - Cassie Cao
There are also some things they won't miss about going back home:
I basically have to write a whole new set that's pertaining to the family every year.- Ola Dada
"Nigerians, they are proud of me to a fault. I love it, they're so supportive, but way too supportive. The whole community and family friends come to our house and are like 'Come on Ola, give us a joke.' It's basically me yelling jokes down from the stairs. Love you guys, but I'm not going to lie: I'm not going to miss that." - Ola Dada.
Only comedians...
Comedians are full of funny holiday stories. They shared something they've done during the holidays/new years that they're sure nobody else has ever done before:
"When we would get together as a big family, all of my aunts and uncles and my parents used to do this thing where they would make the kids, we're talking like seven or eight, dip their fingers in Sambuca… and then light it on fire. And then to put it out, we'd have to stick it in our mouth.
You know when you look back on something when you're older and you realize it was messed up at the time and you're like, huh, yeah that was probably abuse. And it became an annual tradition of setting your children on fire." - Kyle Brownrigg, Ottawa, ON.
It's one way to stay toasty during the holidays.- Kyle Brownrigg
"Have you ever performed stand-up comedy on New Year's Eve, in front of a beautifully dressed, super drunk audience doing countdown together? It's the best." - Yumi Nagashima, Vancouver, BC.
"My uncle lives across the street from my family. He dresses up as Santa Claus. He comes over. We sing Christmas carols. And when he comes in the door he does a big gag like he either falls down the stairs or he's wrapped up in Christmas lights when he gets there... he literally roasts my entire family. And it's so funny because the kids don't really get it and the adults are in hysterics, and it's all very festive." - Brittany Lyseng
The Times Square Ball Drop re-imagined
There will be no crowd at the Times Square Ball Drop this year. But if a comedian were in charge of the planning, it might be a much cooler event.
"I say this year, real ball. We donate the money to testicular cancer. It's a merger with Movember... we just keep the ball rolling." - Brittany Lyseng
"I will change the ball drop to a free ride. I'll pick a random New York citizen… 'Susan, you are that ball-drop ride!' And then Susan has to (drop) really fast. But then Susan doesn't have to pay tax for 2021 because she went through some shit." - Yumi Nagashima
"I would set up a basketball court on top of the building, then have the countdown going off like - 3, 2, 1 - and I'd do my jazz step, go for a jumper, and hopefully I hit it before the buzzer into the new year. That's where special effects come in, because If I miss it's bad luck." - Ola Dada
What is the right way to tell someone Santa isn't real?
The comedians recall how they discovered Santa's non-existence and share advice on the best way to tell the truth.
"I found out Santa wasn't real at birth because I was born and raised in a Muslim family, and they could not wait to jump on the fact that the non-Muslims were lying to their children. You've just got to tell your kid as young as possible. You got to prepare them for the real world. You got to make them ruin all the other children's lives because that will be a less of a traumatic experience." - Salma Hindy
Take it from me, as someone who has no children, that's what you should do.- Salma Hindy
"There's no right way to tell that because Santa is real. I saw one — at the mall, taking pictures with children." - Yumi Nagashima
"Because we're Chinese. I feel like my parents didn't have a very good grasp on the mythology of Santa, just because they had to learn about Santa from me, who was passing on information that I had learned from other kids at school. So on Christmas morning, I found Chinese snacks that were already open, already from our cupboards, that we were already eating stuffed inside my stocking just passed off as a gift from Santa. And I was like, okay, got itl." - Cassie Cao
The right way to tell someone that Santa isn't real is to remind them that they are in their 30s and it's just getting sad.- Kyle Brownrigg
Something we love to do during the holidays is watch stand up comedy! You can watch New Wave of Standup for free here on CBC Gem.