Comedy·PENALTY

NHL to keep professionals home from Olympics, send Vancouver Canucks instead

For the first time in since 1994, NHL professional hockey players will not attend the 2018 Olympics in South Korea.
(Shutterstock / Sergei Bachlakov)

VANCOUVER, B.C.—In a controversial decision, NHL commissioner Gary Bettman announced this week that, for the first time in since 1994, NHL professional hockey players will not attend the 2018 Olympics in South Korea.

Instead, the league will send the Vancouver Canucks, a plucky group of hockey amateurs who are expected to be happy just to be there.

Though he knows some will be disappointed by the move, Bettman says that he's extremely confident it's the right decision.

"The Olympics take place in the middle of February, in the heat of our playoff hunt. For that reason it just wouldn't be acceptable to have our best players suddenly disappear from the league at that exciting time. We can, however, part with the Vancouver Canucks, who will not be contenders, and whose players' talent level, on a scale of 1 to 10, is an 'Aw, they look like they're really having fun out there.'"

​Canucks head coach Willie Desjardins, who would travel with the team, is looking on the bright side.

"I mean, we just take it one day a time," said Desjardins.

"So we're happy to take it one day at a time here in Vancouver, or on the road, whether that's Arizona or Pyeongchang. I mean the road is the road, and you give 110% just like you would at home, and you just take it one day at a time. I assume a day is as long over there as it is here, and if not we'll take it just less than or just more than one day at a time."

At press time, the NHL announced that it would attempt to still do its part to aid the Olympic effort by giving free power-skating lessons to any member of the team who wants them, every Saturday until the Olympics.

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