Public Breakup Box and other potential uses for payphone booths in 2018

Now that so many of us are reliant on our cell phones, the sidewalks are strewn with the haunted ghosts of rarely-used payphone booths. We shouldn't let them go to waste! Here are five potential ways to breathe new life into these handy glass boxes.

Public Freak-Out Box

As you make your way through this godforsaken world, any number of small irritations can accumulate throughout the day until hot rageblood starts pumping through your body and you've unconsciously started emitting a low, threatening growl. Subway delays, gross catcaller creeps, the realization that your admin assistant job makes you so numb and dead inside that you accidentally worked an entire day for the organization across the street and didn't even notice.

But imagine if, just at the very moment you needed it most, a small, encased glass box designed for exactly one person appeared on the sidewalk. Step inside and you're free to yell, cry, and punch the extremely durable reinforced walls, which, after all, were designed to weather the most violent of storms, be they natural OR EMOTIONAL.

Emergency Argument Box

Did you go out for brunch with that Leon character again and get into yet another screaming argument about the lyrics to Pony by Ginuwine? Is that argument still hugely unresolved as you emerge from the restaurant onto the sidewalk? What if you could step inside a nearby Emergency Argument Box that offered couples semi-soundproofing while still allowing passing strangers the delectable treat of witnessing your wildly dramatic gesticulations and extremely tense body language? Everybody wins!

Public Breakup Box

Uh-oh. Looks like Pony by Ginuwine has once again torn a committed relationship asunder. We've all been there: if you unexpectedly find yourself having the "Listen," talk in public, ask yourself this: would you rather be at a table at Starbucks, wide open and vulnerable to public eyes and ears, or sealed off in a weird, semi-private streetbox with "THE BAND HANSON CAN GET WRECKED" spray-painted in neon green on the wall?

Extra Change Rooms For Overcrowded Clothing Stores

Boxing Day sales at H&M, meet the row of empty phone booths directly outside the H&M. Throw up some jaunty curtains and we've got a highly effective way to manage the hordes of people lined up to try on all those pencil skirts or protractor shirts or whatever goes on during Boxing Day sales at H&M — they are terrifying and I refuse to go anywhere near them.

Karaoke For The Very Tentative

Like most of us, you probably dream of belting out Pony by Ginuwine in front of a cheering bar of rapt strangers, but also like most of us, that's going to take a level of courage you do not yet have. If we installed karaoke machines in every disused phone booth, shy would-be karaokers could work their way up to the dream with baby steps. Once inside the booth, people can only kind of hear you, only kind of see you, and meanwhile, you can gather very valuable information based on whether people stop to listen, keep walking, or vomit directly outside the booth as a result of your singing. Phone-booth karaoke could spare you significant scarring embarrassment later on. PHONE-BOOTH KARAOKE SAVES LIVES.

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook and Instagram