So much for the "tolerant left": I just pooped myself on a rollercoaster

An Op-Ed.

Well, well, well. The "tolerant left", ladies and gentlemen.

It seems that so-called "progressives" like to talk a big game about "tolerance" and "inclusion" – right up until you disagree with them or poop yourself on a rollercoaster, of course.

The second you introduce a viewpoint that doesn't comply with their narrative, or hit a bump on a rickety ride that causes you to poop unexpectedly, you're a "bigot" or a "racist" or you "ruined the ride" or "aren't allowed back on the ride". Ah, not so open-minded now are we, liberals/theme parks?

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Pardon me, I thought we were all supposed to be "tolerating each other" and "respecting our differences" over here in champagne-sipping Lefty La-La-Land.

Unless you trigger the snowflakes, or poop so completely on a rollercoaster that a passenger in one of the cars behind you notices before the ride is even over and yells for them to stop the ride and everybody has to climb down, that is. Then out come the torches and pitchforks, and the mops, and the jugs of disinfectant and the ill-fitting sweatpants from the Lost and Found. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Well, well, well.

Yes, it seems the other shoe – much like the deuce I could be seen visibly struggling to contain in the photos available on the way out of the ride – has dropped.

Liberalism, as I understand it, means that you regard every person, idea, and event as being equally good at all times. So excuse me if I find it a little hypocritical when they say certain people's comments or actions are "offensive" or "abusive" or "dangerous", or that what I loudly did on that rollercoaster was "gross" or "some got on their children".

Yes, it seems the other shoe – much like the deuce I could be seen visibly struggling to contain in the photos available on the way out of the ride – has dropped.

Oh, and I'll be expecting my own History Month for that little number any day now, liberals. Oh wait, I forgot: it's not "good" that I did that.

Well, get ready to feel a sudden drop – trust me, really get physically ready – because your time on the moral high ground is over. I'm calling it now: The right wing is the new counterculture. Pooping yourself on a pretty basic rollercoaster that doesn't even go upside down is the new punk.

Sorry lefties, I'm sure it was a fun ride while it lasted. But as I just accidentally taught a rollercoaster full of snowflakes – and then later some kids on the Scrambler – fun rides don't last forever.

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