Totally gnarly '90s food novelties
From Orbitz to 3D Doritos, the '90s were a decade where the food was as alternative as the music
Every decade has its novelty foods that instantly remind us of a time and place, but the '90s may go down as the peak novelty food decade. It was a decade of individuality and striking out on your own to show non-conformity in every aspect of your life. (Even if that non-conformity was being sold to you by a multinational corporation.)
Music was alternative and so were the snacks.
Here are a few '90s novelty foods that are guaranteed to cause nostalgia, confusion, and probably both:
Orbitz
If you've ever wanted to drink a lava lamp, Orbitz is as close as you could get. Long before the travel deals website of the same name, was this carbonated soft drink with jelly beads suspended in liquid. Created by the same people who brought you Clearly Canadian — a late '80 sparkling water with a hint of flavour — Orbitz had a meteoric rise followed by a disastrous fall. It was meant to tap into the thirst, literal and metaphorical, for alternative beverages that set the people who bought them apart.
The taste itself left something to be desired. I remember begging my dad to let me try it in the summer of 1997. The mouthfeel of a kind of liquid bubble tea with smaller tapioca balls and a syrupy sweet flavour. I didn't actually finish my first and only bottle. But, I do wish I still had one because this Canadian oddity at least looked really cool, even if it would never become the next Snapple. You can learn more about the rise and fall of Orbitz on the CBC Podcast The Fridge Light.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Mutagen Fruit Flavoured Candy Chew Bar
The early '90s were the height of Turtle Mania. It began when two independent comic book artists, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird, partnered with a company called Surge Licensing to bring their characters into the mainstream. Eventually this strategy translated into over $3 billion US-worth of licensed Turtle merchandise, including the Mutagen Bar.
I remember trying this during an appearance from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at my local mall in 1991. It had texture of a Charleston Chew, the flavour of a lime Starburst, and was the size of a standard chocolate bar. Oh, and of course it turned your tongue green.
McDonald's Pizza
Perhaps it's cheating to spotlight McDonald's on this list, as it is home to so many failed culinary concepts that weren't just limited to the '90s, but Canadians had a particular love affair with McDonald's Pizza in the '90s. In fact, it was a bonafide hit here and would've continued if it weren't for the way those giant pizza ovens really gummed up the works in the kitchen. Franchisees had to do major kitchen renos to accommodate the patented "high speed" pizza ovens.
Plus, even though advertising promised pizza in five minutes, the actual cooking time was more like 11, which is an eternity for any fast food restaurant. So McDonald's didn't exactly conquer dinner with pizza the way they wanted to, but props to them for trying. We'll never forget those two golden arches turned to the side to look like zeds.
Baby Bottle Pop
Truly, the only thing I can possibly remember about the Baby Bottle Pop is that earworm of a jingle that tells you how to eat it: "Just lick the pop, dip it and shake it – then lick it again." I'm sorry if it's stuck in your head now, too.
These baby bottle lollipops that you dunk the tip into and then lick the candy powder off appeared in 1998 and are still being sold. Now the line has expanded to include candy crunch and candy juice flavours with the song becoming popular enough to be covered by The Jonas Brothers.
Doritos 3D
Doritos 3D weren't really chips in any traditional sense. Pushing the absolute boundary of what constitutes a nacho chip, they tasted like Doritos, but that's where the similarities end. They were shaped like pillow-shaped mini calzones. They also borrowed from the Pringles playbook, and offered them in a tube instead of a bag for a while. I would say these were advantages, as they were less messy than your traditional chip, but they didn't last long. Tortilla chips don't need improvement.
Lunchables
Lunchables had thousands of '90s kids throwing the lunches lovingly made by their mothers into the trash. After all, why eat that sandwich and dip those veggies when you can make your own compartmentalized cold pizza? Bonus points if you then took your Lunchable to the communal cafeteria microwave and warmed it up.