Here's how to fake a facelift at home
The Anti-Aging market is estimated to be worth 191 billion dollars, but why spend billions of dollars on creams, tucks, lifts, and needles when you can invest your money in facial-tightening devices?
The Anti-Aging Face Muscle Tightener $9
Our first product is called The Anti-Aging Face Muscle Tightener. There are a lot of different versions you can buy online, but they all claim that the product is "a simple solution to the timeless problem of how to give sagging facial skin and muscles that much-needed daily lift." All you need to do is pop this in your mouth and say A-E-I-O-U for 3 minutes a day.
The next product I purchased online promises to get rid of all our double chins, it's called the Neckline Slimmer.
It says "in only 2 minutes a day, it will gently firm the underlying muscles of the neck and chin to tighten skin for a dramatic lift!". It even comes with 3 levels of resistance for beginner to advanced toning!
The Facial Flex $69
It's been around for years, you may have seen it on a late-night infomercial. It claims that " if you use it for 2 minutes, twice a day for 60 days it will noticeably improve skin circulation and muscle tone in the face and reverse the aging process."
If these devices aren't for you, (and im not sure why they wouldn't be) Face Yoga claims to be the simpler, free-er way to tighten, tone and get a non-surgical lift:
The Flirty Girl
Our first facial yogic move is supposed to lift and tone the upper eyelid and reduce lines under the eyes. Its called "The Flirty Girl" because you need to bat your eyelashes like you're talking to George Clooney.
Here's how:
- Place the index fingers under the eyes, pull the upper and lower lip away from each other, hiding the teeth
- Look up towards the ceiling and flutter the upper eyelids as much as you can
- You want to do this for 30 seconds, engaging the muscle under the eyes
and RELAX…
Old Laughing Man
Now lets try a move I call "The Old Laughing Man" because you will look like an old laughing man. Its supposed to smooth smile lines, lift the cheek, chin and the neck!
Here's how:
- Once again, pull your top lip and bottom lip away from eachother, hiding the teeth
- Then go from an o shape to a smile shape over and over again
- Then hold that smile shape, still hiding the teeth. Place the index finger on the chin, apply light pressure and open and close the mouth repeatedly while tilting your head back… and forwards
and RELAX....
From my face to yours, Namaste. I hope you feel tighter and smoother and please note that I am not liable for any pain or discomfort you may or may not experience in the coming days.