10 Intentions for the 'new year' from this every-parent

Parenting is the most demanding job I have ever undertaken. Sure, there are hacks and baby gear to make things easier. But when it comes to scheduling and disciplining and handling things like an adult, I fumble along each day. What I've come to understand, however, is that failure is all part of the process. Oftentimes, I'll refer back to a fridge magnet I saw once at a house party. "Pobody's nerfect," it read. It's true. None of us are, but by reflecting on our mistakes and adjusting our tactics, the 24/7 grind can become a little easier.

So, for the sake of group reflection, here are 10 things I intend to do differently this year. Because, while the calendar starts in January, we as parents know the real new year starts now — in September — when those first-day-of-school butterflies/tears/tantrums signify that real change is in the air. Check off the intentions you'll be making too, or learn from mine, and don't get yourself in the position of having to make any changes in the first place. Either way, don't beat yourself up. Parenting is tough and it's certainly not for everyone. Heck, you wouldn't even be the first parent who actually hated the job. But in recognizing our common imperfections, maybe we can laugh at them instead of cry.

Here are my intentions for the "new year":

❏ Set attainable goals. Whether it's trying to complete more than three tasks in a day, or dragging the kids grocery shopping too close to naps, it's hard forfeiting things I envisioned getting done. But by lowering my expectations, I'll feel more accomplished by getting less done.

❏ Enforce consequences rather than yelling at my preschooler when she hits another kid. Hitting and yelling are both reactionary responses and rarely solve anything. By teaching her that actions have repercussions while responding in a calm yet direct manner, I'll use hitting as a learning opportunity for change.

❏ I'll savour the moments. Six o'clock in the evening can be a particularly crazy time at our house. My husband is usually still at work and I'm racing against the clock to get the kids fed, bathed, and to bed before we miss the "sleep window." But here's the thing: it feels like just yesterday that my three-year-old was a toothless, drooling baby. Where did the time go?! Sure, the days are long, but I'm going to do my best to enjoy every minute of them. Because if I blink again they're going to be graduating.

❏ Take time for myself. Let's face it, I miss my kids when I'm not with them. But I find if I don't make a brief escape from the madness, everything stacks up and I explode. Even 15 minutes spent doing something I love refreshes me. And if I can't physically get away, I'll give myself a mental break with one of these learning apps for kids, and I won't beat myself up over the screen time.

❏ Ditch the plan and find more time to play. I signed my daughter up for two music classes in one day because I wanted to keep her entertained. It was awful. We rushed to and from each class, stopping for lunch and a quick, forced nap which I usually had to wake her up from to make the second class. Then I read this article and learned that being bored can actually good for kids.

❏ Make gratitude a part of our day. Every time my daughter meets a person with a gift bag in their hand, she asks if it's a present for her. She knows how to scroll through my phone and look at pictures of toy castles and tutus she wants me to buy her. And she's only three! It's scary, and I sure don't want her growing up yearning for what she doesn't have.

❏ Encourage my kids to work through their frustration. I can hear my daughter's whining as she struggles with a zipper from a mile away. I rush to resolve the issue for her, but that's not how she's going to learn to do it herself. And it sure as heck won't teach grit.

❏ Praise effort not the outcome. I annoy myself sometimes. "Good job, baby," I'll say when my daughter climbs to the top of the slide by herself or finishes all of her smoothie. Sure, it's nice to acknowledge her accomplishments, but it's also important to recognize when they tried even if it ends in failure.

❏ Practice empathy. I yell "stop it," when my daughter is throwing a tantrum, or offer a vague "no," when she's screaming for candy, but rarely does this help the situation. By letting my child know I can see their side too, I hope to open up a discussion rather than discrediting their emotions by ignoring them. Wanting candy is REAL when you're a kid. Or at any age for that matter.

❏ Take "routine" risks. I find myself living in fear that if I mess up the day's routine, the world will end. Lunch happens at noon. Naps happen after. Everything continues like this. And sometimes I feel trapped. Sure, the kids seem happy when everything moves along as it should, but I can't help but wonder what would happen if we did something totally, absolutely crazy and changed up the day. What if we ate breakfast at the park and set up a fort in the living room to nap in? I bet if we changed things up, we'd all learn and grow by being flexible.

Now that you've read my intentions, I hope they inspire you to make positive adjustments too. Because raising kids can be fun and boy, they sure are cute. Just check out these little faces enjoying Canada's first baby spa. And most importantly, remember that you're not the only parent out there who finds this really hard. Just do your best and treasure each day, because soon it will be time for them to get their first cell phone, and then it's over.