Guys! Jessi Cruickshank is having twins – and we have the motherload scoop

Hey Jessi, been a while - what's new???

Oh, nothing much… just hanging out, growing two HUMAN BABIES INSIDE OF ME.

Let's just get out of the way- twins, huh. Gulp.

Yeah. Gulp is an understatement.  My husband and I both work full time in television and we travel regularly between LA and Toronto. We figured taking care of one little tiny baby couldn't be THAT hard to work into our busy schedules. Then we went for our first ultrasound appointment.

We saw our baby, heard its heartbeat, and thought that was it. Then the doctor gasped, exclaimed 'OH MY!!!!' and panned over to A SECOND BABY, just chilling there. My husband looked at me and said "we're having twins!" I looked back and said "I AM BEYONCE!!!"

I actually think I blacked-out after that. I have never, nor will I ever experience anything more shocking. We don't have twins in our families, the only twins I know are Olsens or Property Brothers… but now that we're over the initial shock, we wouldn't have it any other way!

You look great! Clearly there are "perks" to being preggers.

I'm not one of those glowing pregnant women who wants to frolic in a field exclaiming "pregnancy is the most glorious feeling on earth!". Unless you like the feeling of sweating, bloating and 25 lbs clinging to your abdomen, it's not.

I am, however, a woman who will take full advantage of it while I can. I've gotten dinner reservations, hotel upgrades, parking spots... last week, a waiter tried to tell me I couldn't order the Mac n Cheese off the kids menu but I convinced him it was for my unborn children and he gave in. It's the little victories, you know?

Tell us about your cravings - are they basic? Somehow with you we doubt it.

My entire first trimester was just one long, sexual fantasy about pizza pockets. Remember the commercials in the 90's where they would explode in the microwave? That's all I thought about for 12 weeks.

Let's be honest, you're truly blessed. Maternity fashion has never been better.

I have to admit something. I did a maternity fashion segment a little while ago on The Goods where I talked about how easy and effortless maternity fashion could be…  now that I know what it's actually like to be pregnant, I'd sincerely like to take it all back.

It's really hard to adjust to your changing body, because it's not just a cute little belly that grows,  EVERYTHING GROWS. From your hips and your thighs to your arms and your face to your boobs and your rib cage, everything just expands slowly and steadily, and if you find something cute that fits one week, chances are it won't fit the next week.

As much as I thought I could get away with squeezing into non-maternity fashion, I've now completely succumb to it. My jeans all have elastic waistbands and my dresses could double as circus tents but at least when I wear them, I feel more like a human being and less like a stuffed sausage.

What portion of your clothing budget are you really prepared to share with these two?

I have fully accepted that my former "clothing budget" will now go towards nipple pads and vomit resistant attire. I'm ok with that.

Twins are adorable. Also expensive. They're not even born yet and I've already sourced the best deals on onesies and snap-tops and swaddles and sleep sacks and all the things I didn't even know were things until now. I'm going for a gender neutral/budget friendly aesthetic. If anyone has hand-me-downs, I'll gladly accept.

On matching outfits: Them in identical sets? Uh… you too?

This is a topic of hot debate in my household. I don't think I want to dress them in matching outfits! They are identical twins so I want to make sure we cultivate their individuality from the start. Is that crazy? Am I sacrificing hilarious/adorable photo ops????  

I don't know, ask me again when they're 2 and screaming because they both want to wear the yellow dinosaur shirt.

Since you're a celebrity, we've been brainstorming worthy baby names for you.
Yay or nay: Red Maple? South and Pope?

I'm thinking Apple and Pear. Or Sonny and Cher. Is Tia and Tamara taken?

I literally lose sleep thinking about names.  It's 2017 and if you don't name your kid after a vegetable or an inanimate object you are considered "unoriginal". We're trying to strike a balance. But South and Pope I'll absolutely consider, thank you.

Does this mean two new co-hosts for The Goods?

Ha. I didn't think anything could be cuter than Steven Sabados, but identical twin newborns might give him some competition. I am going to do my best to come back to the show as soon as I can this fall, so my leaking bosoms are more likely to be the two newest co-hosts on The Goods…

We have a lot of parents reading our site. Got any pressing questions for them?

SO. MANY. QUESTIONS.

First and foremost - how do you do it? I barely know how to take care of myself, how will I ever figure out how to take care of a teeny, tiny human?

I also want to know what things my husband and I should be doing now, in the limited time we have before our lives completely change. Should we be going out more, sleeping in, seeing movies, spending time with friends? What are the little things we'll miss most once we have two screaming, I mean adorable, babies in our lives?

Finally, who knows where I can get a Pizza Pocket, stat?