Kevin Pillar's costly unforced error (and why we should forgive him)
This week I authored an article for CBC Life on the everlasting effects of homophobia. In it I talked about how homophobia not only affects the LGBTQ community, it also affects the homophobic… permanently. There is a particularly relevant excerpt for Mr. Pillar.
".... take care with your choice to be homophobic because it lasts forever for both the victim and the victimizer. It doesn't just affect gay people or people with gay kids either. The culture of LGBTQ acceptance and inclusion is expanding so rapidly that homophobes risk social condemnation increasingly."
Apparently the Blue Jays outfielder didn't get a chance to read the article. During Wednesday's game against the Atlanta Braves, Kevin struck out in the 7th inning. Instead of walking back to the dugout he decided to hurl our society's most infamous gay slur at the pitcher: F***ot!.
This word carries a lot of power. I won't bore you with its origins other than to say it has probable roots in misogyny and its intended effect is to emasculate and insult its target by equating them with a false stereotype of a gay man. I am quite certain he likely lost a large number of fans for good — and for good reason. The sports arena is sometimes perceived as an unwelcoming place for the LGBTQ community. So when a star player drops the F word, it can make the environment feel immediately unsafe. I'd guess he may be in for some booing back home. Countless gay people carry around trauma from this word's sting and an increasing number of straight citizens will come to the community's defense when it is uttered.
The backlash against Pillar was swift and intense. From LGBTQ fans expressing their disappointment in the media to utter outrage on Twitter. Unfortunately for Pillar, he almost struck out again after his strikeout.
Using the F word in a public forum. STRIKE 1.
Immediately following the game he tried to dismiss the use of the outburst as "part of the game". Something that happens in the "heat of the moment." STRIKE 2.
Strike 2 was a bad one. What Kevin didn't realize is that a large swath of the public realizes that words like f***ot don't just spontaneously materialize in your mind before they erupt. It's more likely that it was part of his vocabulary to begin with, and many people called him out on it. Also, the excuse of the word being "part of the game" apparently doesn't fly anymore.
But then, he got a last minute metaphorical base hit tweeting out this carefully crafted apology, addressing the LGBTQ community directly:
Next came the institutional punishment. A two game suspension from the Jays, approximately $6066.00 in lost wages, an undisclosed fine and this statement:
It wasn't finished. Cue more mea culpa from Pillar. After not sleeping Wednesday night Pillar told the press, "I really felt embarrassed for myself, for my family for this organization… I was ashamed." He followed it up with this important statement:
"I understand that I stand here with an opportunity to turn this into something that is going to be very positive… I have the ability to be made an example of and I'm willing to accept that."
In terms of big gay public apologies, this is pretty satisfactory in my book. The You Can Play Project agrees. The organization, which advocates inclusion in sport, initially criticized Pillar for his initial response but found round two acceptable tweeting:
"A homophobic slur doesn't have to define @KPILLAR4. Becoming a role model and advocate going forward will."
They are right and I look forward to seeing what Kevin will do to make up for it. Read every angry tweet, Kevin. Engage with the LGBTQ community and come to understand the power of your words.
In an official context, Kevin Pillar has been sufficiently punished. He just got slapped across the face by society and re-educated Game of Thrones style.
He has felt the sting of shame and he has been marked for life by his homophobic remark. No one will forget about this outburst and he has to carry that. As a public figure he has a lot of work to do to rehabilitate his image, especially to his LGBTQ fans. Time will tell if he lives up to that task but holding a grudge won't help the situation. Without forgiveness for the homophobic, I am of the opinion that we greatly increase their chance of remaining homophobic, especially when they express a willingness to learn and change.
That being said… hear this Kevin:
F*g me once shame on you. F*g me twice shame on me.
Only one strike left.
Ryan E. Thompson is a Toronto based television producer and writer specializing in LGBT issues and entertainment.