Romance is the new kink: Kissing, cuddling, and regular sex still preferred by the average couple.

It's still one of the top selling books series of all time (sandwiched comfortably somewhere between Clifford the Big Red Dog and The Chronicles of Narnia). It's currently collecting dust on the bookshelves or nightstands of about 125 million homes worldwide. Nope, not Twilight. Close though - it's 50 Shades of Grey. Look, I'm tired of hearing about it too. Even so, with the sequel to the film adaptation released this year and the final chain link in the trilogy slated for just before Valentine's Day 2018, it is still relevant. Especially in light of the fact that the series is often pointed to knowingly as the definitive pop culture phenom that belies the darker dirty desires of North Americans. Particularly women, right? Wrong.

A new study about sexual diversity in the United States shows that while Americans like to dabble with rougher sex play, they aren't tied to those explorations. If popular movies are our bedroom benchmarks here, data shows that Americans wind up closer to The Notebook than anywhere near the Grey colour spectrum. Romance, it seems, has always been the kink of choice and cuddles come well before spankings in the lusty line up. Yes, the sexual appetite of the average American is as basic (and satisfying) as a comforting cup of pumpkin spice latte.     

Professor Debby Herbenick of Indiana University, who co-authored the study, admits her expectations going in were partially frustrated to some extent by the fandom of the 50 Shades franchise. As a career sexuality expert, Herbenick wanted to update scientific data in light of the pop lit hit. Surely outdated studies from the Kinsey Institute had missed something. So she and her team surveyed 2,021 adults (975 men, 1,046 women) from a broad range of demographics to see if kinkier habits like BDSM were actually a bedroom staple. Participants were asked to share their sexual habits over the last 30 days as compared to the full range of erotic adventures over their lifetime. But not before being asked to rate 50 specific sexual behaviors as for instinctive appeal. It's worth stating that the sample held as many single participants as coupled ones, so frisky familiarity didn't sway the stats.     

"We imagined that large proportions of Americans have engaged in a range of sexual exploration, and indeed they have," she told media. But the numbers showed comparatively low percentages for titillation practices with a twist and pretty high numbers for time honoured bedroom basics. Across demos, couples were more prone to dim the lights and put on some D'Angelo than reach for a leather paddle.

In scientific terms, the data leaned far more lovey-dovey. Preferences for soft touches like cuddling got a 53% approval rating. BDSM earned a measly 1%. Setting the mood with romantic movies was favoured at 31% whereas pornographic film foreplay only downloaded at 18%. Specific pre-sex play like spankings hit 9% while massages received a resounding purr of approval at 40%. Gentle sex left 44% of people satisfied but rough sex only satiated 14%. Even naughtier public space practices like sexting, which is supposed to be the norm now, only registered at 11% on the sensually appealing scale.    

A pinch of spice was favorable but still stayed this side of standard. Around 80% of respondents admitted they liked to change venues and get out of the bedroom. So, did they take to the bushes in the front yard? No, a different room of the house did the trick for most (77.4%), while some (79.9%) preferred the "exotic" escape of a hotel.   

Consider too that the erotic appeal of a tender touch was pretty even on both sides of the gender binary. Kissing during sex was deemed appealing by 86% of American men and 86.8% women. Sweet and affectionate pillow talk while enjoying another intimately was favoured by 79.4% of  men and 82.3% of women. Both men and women (an even 57%) were turned on by reading erotic lit - a solid case for making sure there's some Anais Nin on your e-reader. And lastly, a large percentage of both men and women wanted to cuddle much more: 86.2% and 89.2%, respectively. Surprisingly for Herbenick and her team, all these habits pointed to intimacy and supported partner bonding, not bondage. While people were likely to have tried some wilder things in the past (threesomes: 10% of women, 18% of men), what they really wanted to do was slip into something more comfortable like standard but sensual sex.

However vanilla, it's uncertain to what extent we mirror the erotic habits of our cousins to the south but we do share one bedroom proclivity: that propensity for cuddling. Canadian couples over 40 placed cuddling pretty high on their sexual to-do lists. As well they should. The healthy benefits of a good cuddle is so scientifically sound that at least one hospital program in Windsor is based on close physical contact. In fact, the need for squeeze is so great that cuddle work is a growing business in most major Canadian cities.

Herbenick is clear that the most arousing and appealing sex move is talking. And like all other novel sexual positions, it gets easier the more you do it. "Opening up with your partner about what you're interested in, what turns you on, and what you'd like to try can be challenging at first but often gets easier and more comfortable with practice". Just like sex, which you'll likely bookend with some pre and post cuddling.    

Across the board though, more was more. Nearly half of all respondents (49%) said they could do with an increase of sexual frequency. Not that we needed stats to support that data.