Science says being extra nosy could get you that second date

You swiped. You matched. You navigated in-app messaging like a champ and now you're prepping for that most loaded of social encounters, the first date. I won't stop you from shaving all the parts of your body that society has dictated should be well shorn, nor will I suggest you forget that trusty pocket full of appropriately stirring anecdotes and impressively humble achievements to share. But, real talk, how's your interrogation game?

Sound psychological research says that asking plenty of questions (more than smelling pretty, being devastatingly beautiful or coming in quick with the quips) is bound to get you a second date. If you want to raise your seduction stock and increase your chances of seeing someone again, ask them loads of questions about their favourite topic: themselves.

In the name of like, researchers at Harvard University forced 110 people to speed date in order to explore conversational cues that lead to likeability. With just four minutes to get to know one another, subjects typically fired off about 10 questions while chatting up each potential partner. But the study showed those who asked 50% more questions (15 or more) boosted their chances of a second romantic encounter considerably. The correlation wasn't subtle. Researchers confirmed "a robust and consistent relationship between question-asking and liking: people who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners". Prospective lovers were far more prone to crush on those who pried the hardest.   

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Overly curious types weren't pegged as nosy either, as many daters feared. Instead, the the most inquisitive humans were deemed warm and engaging. In scientific terms, aggressive interrogators were perceived as rating high in "responsiveness, an interpersonal construct that captures listening, understanding, validation, and care". All attractive traits in an ideal partner. Researchers found that treading lightly on a first encounter out of a polite respect for boundaries didn't work in one's favour. They also found it interesting to note that "despite the persistent and beneficial effects of asking questions, people do not anticipate that it increases interpersonal liking." Fretting about asking a stranger too many questions or being tongue tied during a meet and greet are common hurdles, but they don't garner favour. Daters, researchers said, "may be unsure about what to ask, or worry about being perceived as rude." But jumping in with some questions proves fruitful and is unlikely to get you branded an ill-mannered oaf. Though presumably, some topics are safer than others (avoid "so, ever had a cyst drained?" or "was your ex a good lover?"). Save those for date three.

The authors of the study report that their conversation data was quantifiable and rarely deviated. "We trained a natural language processing algorithm as a 'follow-up question detector' that we applied to our speed-dating data (and can be applied to any text data to more deeply understand question-asking dynamics)". As you can imagine, it was all very romantic. But a second round of questioning generally lead to more dates. Take note, lonely masses, there is value to being methodical in your romantic pursuits.    

The dating data is explicit: get the other person talking about themselves. Where they grew up, what bands they liked in high school, worst hairstyle they ever had, their allegiance to various snacks. At the end of the day (or date), you're really just trying to be curious and find some common ground. Be sure to take note whether the object of your potential affection is being just as snoopy with you.