Ways to celebrate (yourself!) if you're alone over the holidays

Yes, we can help you host the most epic Thanksgiving dinner of your life, filled with fanciful tablescapes, rustic remodels, dinners and desserts that will leave you most thankful that you can hide in an oversized neon sweater come next week.  

But for those who will be celebrating this holiday weekend — and others in the upcoming onslaught of festivities known as the "holiday season" — alone, allow us to suggest other varieties of celebratory practices to enjoy and explore. I, for one, will be spending this Thanksgiving weekend left to my own considerable devices. I happen to be single and my Montreal family will be in Portugal, and besides that this is not my first solo holiday. Even when it's been by choice (like when I've declined the 72 hour race to and from Montreal), I have felt a certain level of wistfulness.

But for me, or you, to indulge in loneliness, would be to miss a very important point. The point is that we've been blessed with the most coveted gift of extra time, while others are spending the precious one or two "free days" schlepping around to places where they may not necessarily feel comfortable or free to be themselves, to be tied up in the drudgery of small talk and to consume far more food and drink than health standards recommend. You (and I) are actually free — whatever will we do with that time? Here are some suggestions.

Beware of invitations

Protect this time and be mindful with it, as you should be with all your time. Nicole Mahabir reminds us that "When we do something we love, we feel free, inspired or expansive and time moves quickly, but if we do something we dislike, we feel constricted, inhibited and time seems to drag into dismal eternity. It is not the time that makes us feel stressed or happy, it is the perception of how much space we have."

So, don't let your fear of boredom make you jump at the first ask to join someone else's family shindig. Weigh your options carefully, including solo activities you really love. In the end, spending time with a friend's family or another person who is adrift solo might be the right move and a unique adventure. Just remember that you, alone, can be pretty fun.

Get your sh*t together

Winter is coming and surely some part of your life is a complete disaster. Clif Mark, who recently wrote about more productive mind wandering, turning your next failure into success and how to focus in the face of digital distractions says that he spent many holidays alone when he was studying abroad. "I didn't like it overall. Was a really sad vibe," he said. "But there were things I loved about it. It's like culture gives you a break from the things you are supposed to do, then immediately fills them up with other obligations. Solitude = liberty (if it's not permanent and forced)." Instead of rushing out to meet social obligations, take the opportunity to tackle some of the things clogging your to-do list or causing you background anxiety so that you can come out of the holiday with greater peace of mind, whether it's balancing your books or finally doing that deep dive on your dirty fridge. "Free work hours and everyone else is stuck in a celebration!!" 

Start following your dreams already

Maybe skip the more practical tasks in favour of pursuits that feed your soul. My CBC Life colleague, producer Yasmin Seneviratne, is both extremely creative and extremely organized and she says the biggest daily barrier to her personal and/or creative projects is this: "I like to work on the creative aspects of my projects in long sessions of time. But my day-to-day job requires me to get a lot of sleep, so I can't devote those long stretches of time when I get home from my day job at night. I dream of weekends without plans, and I'm protective of them when they come around."

"My tip for focusing, and even starting(!), my work on those weekends, then, is to know and disable the thing that takes you off course. For me, my to-do list clutters my mind, so if I *have* to do anything else *that day*, I do it first so that I have no mental barriers to that stretch of time I need."

How does that make her feel? "LIKE I CAN DIE HAPPY. Any day that I start and commit to that work, even if I don't get far, feels good. At a certain point, I think anyone making things realizes that as long as they aren't actually procrastinating, whatever that means for you, that even sitting there in complete frustration and thought and scribbles is going to contribute to the work you want to do at some point." Too bad she has a jam packed family weekend ahead, but good luck keeping the next long weekend free.

Go big on small pleasures

A holiday spent alone is a lovely cheese pizza, just for you. To start the Kevin McCallister model on the right foot, try reminding yourself why you're grateful to be home — or wherever you are — alone. Psychotherapist Mike Dow tells us "If you're sad today, mood-congruent recall in the brain will light up all your sad memories. It feels like your life has always been sad and will always be sad." But you can use his cognitive behavioural therapy techniques to choose positivity and clear the mental way for planning and engaging in activities you enjoy. I, for one, have at least three songs I am currently sucking at on the piano that I would love to tackle, and I would love to read a book uninterrupted, and go for a jog with no time limit, and then have a cheese pizza to myself and, really, just spend a lot of time listening to ASMR.

Get ready to look (and feel) soooo good

Scratch the cheese pizza for me, actually, because I'd like to come out of any holiday feeling less bloated, less tired, less hungover than I normally do (and than everyone else, tbh). If you're trying to stay away from your vices during the holidays, then this is the time for all that self care stuff, like Nicole Mahabir's recipes for a rejuvenation staycation, intended for post holiday recuperation — but why not get a head start? Rebecca Perrin says she recently chose to spend New Year's Eve alone because she didn't feel like drinking, much to the chagrin of friends who tried to convince her otherwise. "My yoga studio hosted an incredible 90-minute class with live drumming to ring in the new year at midnight. It was magical, soulful, and I went home feeling inspired for January 1st."

As for social media: share, don't stare. I'd lay off it unless it's to post your own stories and adventures. Many studies show that posting boosts happiness and a sense of connectedness, while creeping does the opposite. Scrolling the pretension parade of your mildest acquaintances not only brings out the social envy monster but it's a waste of the precious time gift you've been given. If you're spending a holiday alone dealing with heartbreak, struggling with forgiveness and unresolved relationship issues with family or friends, or facing an ongoing subtle sadness that shouldn't be overlooked, these suggestions might not suffice. But if it's a matter of FOMO — or GODO — ditch them quick and let's get this party started.