Soldier's mom serving coffee in Kandahar

The mother of a Canadian soldier killed in Afghanistan is now in that country, honouring his memory by working in the canteen at the Kandahar airfield serving troops coffee.

Wendy Hayward took an early retirement from her job in Winnipeg to take up the unique position that holds a special meaning for her.

"I can't think of a higher honour. I really can't," Hayward told CBC News in a recent interview. "I see him in the eyes of every one I serve."

'I think he made a difference and I'd kind of like to live up to that.' —Wendy Hayward

Her son, Cpl. James Hayward Arnal, 25, was killed July 18, 2008 by a roadside bomb explosion in southern Afghanistan during a night patrol.

Hayward also visits a local memorial to fallen soldiers and continues to feel the anguish of losing her son.

"It's like living with that phantom pain," Hayward said. "You can feel your toes without your leg being there.  I feel like I can feel him without him being there … I don't know how else to describe it other than half of my life has gone."

Hayward's journey to Afghanistan was inspired, she said, by her son's attitude about life and her desire to live up to his legacy.

"He didn't watch the world go by on TV.  He wanted to be a part of it," she explained. "I think he made a difference and I'd kind of like to live up to that."

Hayward said the death of her son has affected her in ways she finds hard to put into words.

"I know this is going to sound odd and obscure, but his death has provided me with gifts," she said. "Probably the most important is clarity. I now know something more that I can do."

Hayward said being in Kandahar has helped her.

"Although it is the worst thing in the world that has ever happened to me, doing these things that I do … helps you cope," she said.

Born in Saskatchewan, Arnal had lived most of his life in Winnipeg. He was a member of the 2nd Battalion, Princess Patricia's Canadian Light Infantry, stationed at Canadian Forces Base Shilo in Manitoba.