Accepting my queer identity through gaming

Contributed by Nicholas Raffoul 

My first encounter with a queer relationship was at the age of eight playing The Sims 2, when I selected the 'flirt' interaction between my two male Sim avatars. It made me feel a bit weird, but my two Sims seemed to enjoy it.

A sense of shame lingered though, and I wouldn't allow them to get married or adopt children, even when their relationship bar was at a full 100.

Having never encountered queer representation in my own life, I was given a chance to explore my queer identity through a virtual life simulation game. 

The Sims franchise is a series of virtual simulation games that allows the player to create avatars (Sims) and control every aspect of their lives, including their families, jobs, aspirations, and hobbies.

Players manage their Sims, their houses, their careers and relationships, fulfilling their needs and desires in a manner similar to real life. Sims can also interact with other Sims with the ability to form friendships, rivalries, and romantic relationships.

Less prejudice than in real life

Although The Sims can be incredibly life-like, the games lack some of the prejudice that I've faced in the real world.

My male Sims were able to be affectionate with one another, including holding hands and kissing in front of other Sims, without feeling shame or embarrassment. 

The only one who was uncomfortable with this relationship at times was myself. I was learning to process and accept the budding romance between my two male Sims. I would feel wrong making my male Sims flirt with each other, and shut down the game.

Coping with internalized homophobia

Looking back, I was projecting my own shame and internalized homophobia onto my Sims.

Despite my discomfort, I always gravitated toward The Sims, and a part of me wanted to continue seeing my two male Sims' relationship grow further. 

Growing up, video games like The Sims were one of the few ways in which I could comfortably experiment with my gender and sexuality.

As a child, I didn't know anything about same-sex couples. There was a lack of queer representation in my everyday life. The only way I could have access to these new concepts was through video games.

Being able to customize my characters, their clothes, wants, and desires safely — and without judgment — was a luxury I was not afforded in my day-to-day life.

Growing up, video games like The Sims were one of the few ways in which I could comfortably experiment with my gender and sexuality.- Nicholas Raffoul

Queer characters in video games have helped me come to terms with — and celebrate — my identities. Video games provided a safe space to explore my sexuality from the safety of my computer room, without fear of being teased or punished.

Queer and gender non-conforming characters

As I grow into my twenties as a proudly queer person, I still play The Sims as well as several other video games that continue to normalize and validate queer identities.

Video games such as Overwatch provide a queer and racially inclusive character range. The team-based multiplayer online game features characters from diverse backgrounds, many of whom have been confirmed to be queer and gender non-conforming by the game developers. 

The 2020 game Animal Crossing: New Horizons allows players to dress characters in any way, no matter their gender.

Games like Bethesda's The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim give players the option to marry characters of any gender.  

Today, I still enjoy playing video games. I find solace in my ability to bring all aspects of my identity to the virtual world, something I still cannot do in reality with complete safety.

I get to play characters where I can physically see myself represented, and manifest a world I want to live in. I no longer project my shame onto my two male Sims. Instead, they are now happily married with two kids and a puppy. 

This segment originally aired in February, 2021