Trevor Dineen: How I learned to not be afraid of my teenage niece

Teenagers scare me. There, I said it. But the reason they scare me is a bit ridiculous. Teenagers scare me because they hold up a mirror to how old I'm getting. 

Don't get me wrong, there are parts of aging that I love. For example:

• Going to bed at 9:30 p.m. 
• Roaming through Costco with a Disney World-like joy.
• Being proud of perfect vacuum lines in the carpet. 

But deep down I think aging bothers me because I'm a little worried about not coming across as youthful anymore. In my mind, I'm either young and relatable, or a grumpy old man (picture Clint Eastwood in any movie after 1998).

That's why I felt like this past Christmas was a pretty good test for me. 

My 13-year-old niece Carmen and her family were coming to stay with us for the holidays. Now, I had only met Carmen once before, and that was four years earlier at my wedding. So basically she was a stranger. 

Oh and have I mentioned the last time I hung out with a teenager was probably 20 years ago when I was a teenager? I had no idea what to expect. (Side note: don't do the math to figure out how long ago you were a teenager. It just makes you sad.)

Two days before Christmas, Carmen and her family arrived.

Carmen came across exactly as you see a lot of teenagers portrayed on television. She was very quiet with a bit of teenage attitude. She was on her phone a lot. And she only answered questions with one or two word answers. 

So what did I do? I drilled her with questions like any cool, young, hip uncle would do. 

"How's school? What do you do for fun? Do you have a boyfriend? What kind of food do you like? Do you like the Twitter? How do you like my shirt? What's your favourite TV show? What's your least favourite TV show? Do you like avocados?"

Let's just say, day one wasn't a success. 

But day two came and I kept at it. I included her in conversations. I asked her to help out. And I kept peppering her with more questions, and listened to her answers. Soon, the quiet niece that walked through our door was turning into a laughing, joking, chatting young girl who was having a pretty good time hanging around her extended family.

By day three, we were building Ikea furniture together, making fun of each other and high-fiving around the house. I could actually feel my wrinkles fading away. 

And on day five, she called me her favourite uncle. Cue tears. 

So why was it so important for me to connect with my niece?

Part of me did it because I remember what it used to be like being a young kid surrounded by all adults and having no one really paying attention to you. It's a lonely feeling especially when you feel like your voice isn't being heard and you know you have things you want to say. 

But the other part, that I didn't realize until afterwards, was that I was doing it for me. To feel young and seem a little bit cool-ish. Because I know people say age is just a number but a number of things can make you feel like you're aging.  

Hanging out with a teenager can be one of them.

Or it could do the opposite.