A hyphen abroad
For Canadian expat Tori Allen, what it means to be a "hyphen" lies both within her home country and without. She reflects on national identity abroad in a personal essay for Out in the Open. Here's an excerpt:
"Chinese? Hawaiian? Chilean? Maori? Indonesian? At 38, I think I've heard them all but almost no one gets it right. I am a Welshapino — my father is Welsh, my mother is Filipino, I was born in Canada.
And really, what I am is lucky. My background was almost always an asset growing up here — the privilege of a white name, with a sympathetic window into a minority experience I didn't have to struggle with. I've never knowingly experienced racism or profiling. I have watched Filipino cousins and aunts leave their children and careers behind for years and come to Canada to work as nannies so their kids can one day join them and have the advantages I try not to take for granted. And I am deeply aware that my decision to leave Canada, to be an 'expat' and see the world, is also a gigantic privilege.
But living in (South) Korea, a country that is still extremely homogenous, with xenophobic and morally conservative attitudes, did highlight what was truly good, if still imperfect, in Canada — diversity and multiculturalism, the legalization of gay marriage. I come back to Toronto every summer and walk the city streets, savouring the clamor of languages, the clash of cultures and eating all the foods I've missed. Rotis and doubles, dim sum and sushi, Jamaican patties and all the cheese. It's intoxicating and comforting. It's where I fit in... where I will always feel home.
And yet, I choose to stay away. Maybe it's because I appreciate Canada more from afar. Because it's good and uncomfortable to be a minority in someone else's country and see yourself as a 'foreigner', something I never encountered before moving to Korea.
Wherever I go, my Canadian identity steadies me, but I still crave the thrill and accomplishment of adapting to a new place, of making it a home and figuring out how it works."
This story originally aired on July 2, 2017. It appears in the Out in the Open episode "Hyphen State".