Is There Still Sex in the City? Candace Bushnell's new novel explores love and dating in 2019

As the author of Sex and the City, Candace Bushnell is regularly asked for her advice on love. The book inspired the HBO television series of the same name and was loosely based on her own dating experiences. 

Twenty years later, Bushnell is at it again. After a recent divorce, she re-entered the dating pool and started writing a new book called Is There Still Sex In The City? in which she reflects on dating in her 50s and what happens after "happily ever after."

In a conversation with q guest host Angeline Tetteh-Wayoe, Bushnell opens up about everything from dating and friendships to Millennials and ageism.

Here is a part of that conversation.

So this book begins with you, unexpectedly single in your mid-fifties. In one word, how were you feeling about it? 

The reality is that there was a time when I was first single when I was really happy about it. Right after I got divorced, I felt horrible. But then, I accepted it and I took it as a time where I'm not going to try to date. I need to get over it. In that time when I wasn't going to date anybody, I was bitter about relationships as one is. Nobody gets married thinking, "Oh, I'm going to get divorced and this isn't going to work." So you do think, I'm going into it with the right intentions and somehow it's going to work. 

Now through your post-divorce experiences, one of these experiences was a magazine editor asked you to write about Tinder. Was this just an assignment to you, or were you actually looking for some romance?

Pretty much — 100 percent. No! I mean, I'm happy to go and explore certain things. But I don't want it to be like, "Oh, they met on Tinder." I wanted more romance. And, the more research that I did, the more it became clear how much of a mirage this idea of meeting someone is. Especially since I met a guy who — I'm not gonna lie — he was what you could call hot. We had our Tinder date and then we actually went on another date. I agreed to meet him one more time and he didn't show up. I got stood-up by the Tinder date, which everyone said was going to happen. 

And because you weren't emotionally invested in it, you were able to kind of let that go.  But for some people, it happens again and again...

It is soul destroying. It's not supposed to be like that. You've got to have some positive experiences on which to build a foundation. And that's what seems to be hard to find.

How different of a show do you think Sex and the City would be if Tinder and online dating was part of the narrative?

People always want me to imagine that. My feeling is — if I'm going to imagine it — I would just like to go and interview a bunch of 25 year olds and do a new show and think of some new characters. I don't know why that isn't on TV. Is it? It must be. 

Oh, yes. It's alluded to on different shows that look at millennial life and how it is to navigate the dating world within that. I think it's pretty much a foregone conclusion. 

This is really the thing that people need to think about; Tinder, it's just taking money off the top of what would be a human impulse. Yet people feel like they can't meet somebody without these kinds of things. That makes me nervous for the future.

Did you experience ageism in your recent dating experiences? 

Yes, I did. What's interesting about it is that I remember feeling too old when I was 21. But the numbers only go in one direction. So you have to make the most of wherever you are at that time, because you are only going to get older. But it becomes difficult after a certain age because you do get a barrage of negative messages after the age of 50. It has to do with menopause and not being reproductive anymore. There's so much messaging toward women that your worth really is in your body and in having children and being attractive to men. It's a message so many women have internalised and it's everywhere in our culture. 

In your book, you talk about a woman named Katie, who has this rich, vibrant life but she hasn't hit it off with anyone. What advice do you have for listeners who want love but can't find it?

You know what? I don't know if I've ever really found love. And here's the reality. There's a lot of luck involved. So my feeling is always that the love has got to come from inside you going out and part of that comes from how you live your life every day. Did you love yourself in that day? Don't wait for that outside affirmation. It has to be in some way about loving your life. 

Candace Bushnell's new book Is There Still Sex in the City? is out now.

— Produced by ​Vanessa Greco

This transcript has been edited for length and clarity. To hear the full conversation with Candace Bushnell, download our podcast or click 'Listen' near the top of this page.