How I forgave the man who killed my partner
One year ago, Fritz Musser was hiking through the Caucasus Mountains in the Republic of Georgia. It had been a lifelong dream of his to walk from the shores of the Caspian Sea to the coast of the Black Sea.
On August 12, Fritz was stabbed to death in the small Georgian village of Lechuri.
The man who killed Fritz was just 20 years old at the time. His name is Mikheil.
For Fritz's partner, Rebekah Friesen, the news of his death came in the form of a sterile email from the embassy. And in those early moments of grief, Rebekah's thoughts turned to unexpected places.
"I remember that I had a coherent thought. My mind definitely was in complete disarray and I feel like that word doesn't actually fully describe it," she tells guest host El Jones. "I remember having the thought, 'Lord don't let [Mikheil] have children.' I immediately thought of the stigmatization that comes from killing another human. And I thought about the impact that that would have not only on him but his family."
Rebekah is unsure if the finality of Fritz's death had completely sunk in at that point. Nonetheless, she was adamant not to let Mikheil's actions define his identity. She was determined to bring love and forgiveness to bear on what he had done.
In December 2016, Rebekah flew to the Republic of Georgia for the trial. Her goal was to seek a restorative approach, an outcome that would help her and Mikheil to heal.
"I needed to go to let [Mikheil] know that I believe he is a good person and that Fritz would also believe him to be a good person. In his heart of hearts [there's] goodness, but sometimes we make decisions and take actions that are incredibly wounding."
The day of the trial brought new emotional hurdles for Rebekah, but also opportunities for meaningful forgiveness.
Upon entering the courthouse, Fritz's Georgian friends pointed out Mikheil's family. His grandmother and other family members were huddled on a bench mere feet from Rebekah.
"I made eye contact with her. She smiled a really sad smile at me...And I went over to her, and my mind wasn't really having clear thoughts, but one thing that came to mind is my dad; he oftentimes kisses people's hand when he greets them. When I was a child I found this hugely embarrassing, but at that moment it seemed the right thing to do, so I knelt in front of her and I kissed her hand."
Throughout the trial, Rebekah and Mikheil's grandmother sat next to each other, holding each other's hand. Mikheil was a short distance away, seated behind a glass wall.
"When I had the opportunity to speak with Mikheil, his head was in his hands for a lot of the time, and when I mentioned his child and our desire that he wouldn't long be separated from his child, he looked at me and there were tears in his eyes. I would see [that] as signs of remorse. But how, especially without dialogue, can we know another person's heart?"
Mikheil's sentence was reduced by four years. Rebekah considers this a victory. However, she says that even though he'll spend less time behind bars, the care and rehabilitation he deserves may not be available in the Georgian prison system.
Click LISTEN above to hear more from Rebekah Friesen: how her Mennonite upbringing and her work in a L'Arche community has shaped her ideas on restorative justice, and the strange feeling of being Facebook friends with the family of the man who killed her partner.