In new memoir, Bob McDonald reveals he was sexually abused as a child
Long-time Quirks and Quarks host said he’s going public in part to help other survivors
WARNING: This article contains details of abuse and may affect those who have experienced sexual violence or know someone affected by it.
In a new memoir, CBC host Bob McDonald reveals that he was sexually abused as a child.
"I was sexually abused by my dad. And it happened again with another person in a public park. An older teenage boy grabbed me and abused me as well," said McDonald, the long-time host of Quirks and Quarks on CBC Radio.
In the book, Just Say Yes, McDonald describes his father, Clifford McDonald, as a "monster" whose alcoholism "cast a pall over our entire family." He said the abuse happened once when he was seven years old, describing it as "the actions of a selfish, intoxicated parent."
"I was violated in the very place where I'm supposed to be safe, in my home, in my bedroom, in my bed, by the very person who was supposed to protect me," he told The Current's guest host Duncan McCue.
McDonald, 73, writes that he has tried therapy to deal with the negative impact on his life, and he's come to believe that the incident doesn't have to define him as an adult. That's a message he says he wants to share with other survivors of childhood abuse, and a big part of his decision to go public about it now.
"They already exercised their power over you as a child; they don't deserve to retain that power over your adult life," he writes in the book.
An unhappy home in Orillia, Ont.
McDonald has written seven books over his career as a broadcaster, received more than a dozen honorary doctorates and been appointed to the Order of Canada. He's hosted CBC Radio's weekly science show Quirks and Quarks for more than 30 years — and even has an asteroid named after him.
But throughout that time, McDonald said he's also frequently suffered from impostor syndrome.
"People are always asking me, 'Do you have a PhD or what university did you go to?' And I say no — and they're very often surprised by that," he said.
"So I thought I'd write it down and say, 'Here's my story starting from the very beginning.'"
McDonald grew up in Orillia, Ont., a few blocks from Lake Couchiching. He remembers spending his summers in and out of the water, collecting pop bottles to trade for penny candy. Winters were spent skating and tobogganing, in keeping with his mother's insistence that he and his siblings get outside and play as much as possible.
But that idyllic life outdoors was in stark contrast to life at home. His father's drinking sometimes erupted in violence, and made it difficult for the man to hold down a job, making McDonald's family "the poor people on the block."
"I never knew when I came home whether it was going to be Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde. And so home for me was not a comfortable place," he said.
The sexual abuse was never reported to police. Clifford McDonald died at age 55 from alcohol-related issues, when his son was still a teenager.
McDonald writes that the entire neighbourhood knew of his parents' loud arguments, and their financial constraints, which shaped how he viewed his place in the world when he was young.
"It is a fundamental sentiment I have struggled with all my life — not feeling good enough to do what others do," he writes in the book.
Overcoming impostor syndrome
McDonald said he was "a terrible student" throughout his academic career, with the exception of Grade 7 and 8 science, when a good teacher got him engaged and excited about the subject.
That enthusiasm didn't translate to other classes, though, and McDonald eventually dropped out of university in his second year. But it was during his teenage years that he discovered a love and talent for the stage — and toyed with the idea of becoming a professional actor.
But when it came to auditioning, impostor syndrome would take hold again.
"That's when my insecurity would come in. 'I'm not good enough' … so it kind of discouraged me from that," he said.
He was working construction after leaving university, when a unique opportunity presented itself. The Ontario Science Centre in Toronto was hiring demonstrators to run experiments for visitors. McDonald said he went in and "talked the guy's ear off," and was hired on the spot.
Little did McDonald know it would be the launchpad for his broadcast career.
When the Viking 1 spacecraft landed on Mars in 1976, the CBC called the science centre looking for someone to interview. McDonald ended up on TV, and impressed producers so much that he was invited back again and again.
"One thing leads to another: a television kids' show, and radio and then Quirks and Quarks," he remembers.
Looking back, McDonald says he credits that impostor syndrome with propelling him forwards.
"If you think you're not good enough, you try harder. You try harder to be as good," he said.
"So in some ways it's actually helped me, although I'm not recommending it as a way to go."
McDonald said he intends to continue hosting Quirks and Quarks, and his memoir shouldn't be seen as "a swan song." He writes that the idea of sitting still to wait out the remaining years of his life frightens him more than any other risk he's faced — and he encourages readers to seize the opportunities that come their way.
"Just say yes. Focus on the first step. Step your way through it, and finish what you start," he said.
"That's been the success of my life."
For anyone who has been sexually assaulted, there is support available through crisis lines and local support services via the Ending Violence Association of Canada database. If you're in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911.
Audio produced by Alison Masemann
