Olympian Brittany Crew puts disappointment of Tokyo behind her, finding peace in karate dojo

When the bright lights fade and the roar of the crowd is replaced by quiet, many athletes struggle with what to do next. What to do with a life that has been defined by the pursuit of excellence in their chosen sport?

For recently retired Canadian Olympic shot putter Brittany Crew, the journey has been especially difficult.

"I was doing [shot put] full time for 10 years. Every single day of my life was to go to the track," Crew recently told CBC Sports. "So you can just imagine when you retire that identity is kind of lost, you're a little lost. You're like, 'what do I do?'"

The 29-year-old Torontonian had known in her heart for a while that it was time to step away from shot put. She suffered an irreparable falling out with her longtime coach and her body could never fully recover from an unending string of injuries

"I should have let it go after Tokyo. I should have just quit at that point because these last two years have been hell mentally," Crew said. "I lost myself to the point where I did not know who I was anymore. I'd look at pictures even, and I'd see like the smile had faded. It was just not the same. I was staying home a lot more. I was not socializing with people.

"I was literally just playing video games on my time off. Like, I didn't go anywhere and didn't talk to people. I was shutting them out."

Can't 'get past' poor performance in Tokyo

Crew flirted with success throughout her career, but aspirations and predictions of victory at world championships and the Olympics never panned out.

Heading into the Tokyo Olympics, Crew was a heavy favourite to reach the podium for Canada. Instead, she crashed out spectacularly, failing to register a successful throw on any of her three attempts.

"I still haven't recovered from that, if I'm being honest, and I don't think I ever really will," she said. "I just don't think I'm ever going to be able to get past that."

But she isn't letting it define her. She is rebuilding her life, still leaning on sport, except this time far away from the field where she spent so many hours torturing her body trying to throw a heavy stone as far as she could.

She has also discovered karate, spending six days a week training at an east end Toronto dojo. She said she was looking for something different. She'd lost the desire to throw a shot put — but not the desire to compete.

"It was very important that I find something else to occupy my time. If I didn't, my mental health would definitely be affected. I'd be very miserable in life," she said.

Crew initially signed up for a free class and hasn't looked back, finding a sense of community and camaraderie she was desperately looking for.

"It's the best part of my day. And it's kind of funny because toward the end of my track career, that was the worst part of my day," Crew said. "I hated going to the track. I didn't feel welcome there. I didn't have friends on the track or at practice.

"It's just so much different now."

Natural athleticism fit for karate

After quickly grasping the basics of the ancient craft, Crew recently entered her first competition. It was a beginner-level event, but Crew won. She hopes to keep learning, achieving higher levels of belt designation (she is still years away from being a black belt) and continuing to compete.

Her sensei, Chris Lum Lock, said Crew's natural athleticism and power made her a natural fit for the sport.

"She picked things up quickly and really fit in from the first day she was here," he said. "Karate is a whole different ball game but she has adjusted quickly. I am very proud of how far she has come."

In karate, there are three types of competition. Crew is learning the first art known as kata, which is basically a rehearsed dance where competitors demonstrate their artistry, power and technique through a series of manoeuvres. More advanced fighters can also participate in weapons-based and sparring competitions. 

"I have started getting more self-confidence back because I lost all my confidence in track,  I lost it all," she said.

"I want to compete. I want to try it. I think I heard that itch again," Crew said.

Lum Lock said if Crew continues to work, she could quickly climb the ranks.

"She is not a small girl so she would be very intimidating," he said. "She just has to learn the control. I know she is very determined. She is hellbent on getting better. She is all in."

Individual journey

Crew said she's already learned things from her foray into karate that would have made her a better track competitor for Canada on the international stage. She has started to look inward instead of always being concerned with what other people are doing or saying.

"With karate they teach that you're going on your own individual journey and you don't compare against other people, you just don't even compare against yourself," she said. "You're just on your own individual journey and you just strive for your personal best every time."

For the first time in years, Crew is looking forward, not backwards. She's not wondering what might have been, but excited about the future with sport once again a key part of her journey.

"In terms of filling that void, I think karate has definitely saved me, Crew says. "I just want to be happy and I've always wanted that and I can finally say truthfully and honestly that I'm actually happy now."