Sepp Blatter says the darndest things

As Sepp Blatter announces he will step down as FIFA president, here's a sampling of the strange things he has said over the years.

Yes, really. He said all of these words. To people.

"I cannot monitor everyone all the time. If people want to do wrong they will also try to hide it."

-Blatter, whose title literally had "preside" right in the word, responding to the biggest corruption charges to date against FIFA.

"We now have three ladies on the board. Say something, ladies. You are always speaking at home, say something now."

-Blatter, displaying his vast knowledge of gender roles, welcomes the first female members to FIFA's executive committee with open arms (harassment suit not included) in May 2013.

"Let the women play in more feminine clothes like they do in volleyball. They could, for example, have tighter shorts. Female players are pretty, if you excuse me for saying so, and they already have some different rules to men — such as playing with a lighter ball. That decision was taken to create a more female aesthetic, so why not do it in fashion?"

-Blatter, presenting his famed "Hot Pants" proposal (thankfully without slides), in 2004.

"I think in football there's too much modern slavery in transferring players or buying players here and there, and putting them somewhere."

-Blatter, a staunch defender of workers' rights, said this in 2008. On an unrelated note, migrant workers' conditions in Qatar, who are frantically trying to build stadiums and infrastructure for the 2022 World Cup, are so bad that many news outlets are likening them to modern slaves. They're also dying by the hundreds. Again, a completely unrelated fact that has no bearing on the above quote whatsoever.  

"I'd say they [gay fans] should refrain from any sexual activities."

-Blatter gives out some helpful relationship advice to people heading to the World Cup in Qatar.

"Listen, this is a special approach in the Anglo-Saxon countries. If this had happened in let's say Latin countries then I think he would have been applauded."

-A Man of the World, Blatter lectures people on the differences between English and Latino culture when it comes to adultery, when commenting on England stripping John Terry of his captain's armband after an affair with a teammate's wife was revealed in 2010.

"There is no racism, there is maybe one of the players towards the other, he has a word or a gesture which is not the correct one, but also the one who is affected by that, he should say it's a game, we are in a game. At the end of the game, we shake hands, this can happen, because we have worked so hard against racism and discrimination."

-A selection from Blatter's legendary Racism is Officially Over speech on Nov. 18, 2011. Racism officially began again on Nov. 19, 2011.

"I could understand it if it had happened in Africa, but not in Italy."

-Blatter responds to Italy's match-fixing scandal in 2006 by making a completely reasonable comparison between two regions, likely factoring in a whole slew of economic and social considerations while still being sensitive to refraining from falling into stock stereotypes. Or not.

"My grandmother always said a clock rings 'ding' and 'dong,' not 'ding-ding-ding.' You have to listen to 'ding' and 'dong,' and for now I only hear 'ding.' I will go there, and listen to the 'dong.'"

-Blatter saying… something. About clocks.