Man seeking woman with sense of humour actually seeking woman with his sense of humour
TORONTO, ON—"I guess she, like, expected me to laugh at her?" Dennis Fairholme, 31, recounted of his date last Friday night. Fairholme, who makes his living as a part-time musician and most-of-the-time barista, was shocked to find his profile had been misconstrued on the many dating apps he is currently on. The profile in question reads:
"Lookin' for a down-to-earth girl with a good sense of humour. South Park is the funniest show on TV!!!! omg they killed Kenny lol so fkn funny."
"Honestly, I'm embarrassed that I swiped right," said Jessica Kennedy, 28, as though reflecting on her entire life. "But we all make mistakes. And Dennis was the first guy in 25 swipes who didn't have a picture of himself holding a giant fish… so…"
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Kennedy says the date started out decently enough, and that she was willing to look past his several attempts at getting her to "pull his finger." That's when things took a turn.
Fairholme says he made multiple attempts at lightening the mood, only to have his date stare blankly back at him. "I was doing all my best bits!" he exclaims. "Jim Carrey quotes, Trailer Park Boys impressions, showing her all the best fat chick memes. I got no response from her. It was messed."
Fairholme even went so far as to play a video of the Fat Jew that "always kills" amongst his friend group. "I don't know what happened," he pressed on, as if he'd just seen a ghost. "She's obviously never laughed a single day in her life."
However, Kennedy recalls the evening completely differently. "I was killing with the servers at that place. At one point I got an applause break from miming jumping off of a cliff. Our waiter asked for my number afterward and the entire table beside us added me on Facebook."
"I literally felt like I was stuck talking to a human whoopee cushion," she added.
"Now THAT's funny," Fairholme said after hearing Kennedy's remarks. "Do you have a pen? I gotta write that down. Hey can you also Google 'whoopee cushion Halloween costume?' I can't get the internet on my flip phone."
When asked if he'd give Kennedy a second chance, Fairholme shrugged and said, "I guess."
Unfortunately that doesn't seem likely, as Kennedy has firmly asserted that she would "rather bathe in needles than go out with him again."
Dating is hard enough when your phone isn't trying to sabotage you. Siri, can you not?
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