Naked mole-rat a controversial new addition to animal crackers line-up

The National Association of Animal Cracker Makers has announced that beginning today, the organization will be introducing a new creature to its line-up: the naked mole-rat.

The cracker, which will be included in boxes shipped to stores immediately, will give consumers a chance to gnaw on a unique creature, one that may not immediately seem to have much in common with the usual lions, tigers, and bears (oh my!), but which will ideally become a regular part of the cookie line-up.

A spokesperson for the National Association of Animal Cracker Makers says the company has been receiving a lot of calls disputing the decision, but that the group vehemently stands behind its choice.

"I understand that many of you slick big-city journalists don't pay much attention to the humble animal cracker on a day-to-day basis," said Ted Fernerner, long-time spokesperson for the Animal Cracker Makers.

"And heck, I understand that. I'm sure there are plenty of very important things going on in the world outside of animal crackers, though Lord knows what those would be."

"But what you'll have missed, then," he continued, "is that this certainly isn't the first time we've made an addition to our cracker line-up. Every few years we add a new furry creature — I mean, this one's not furry, it's more a leathery... it has a certain — pardon me a moment, I need to make a telephone call."

"Okay, I've gotten some guidance from the president of the Association," said Fernerner. "And one major selling point is that with its flat, nearly colourless and featureless body, the naked mole-rat is actually the animal in our collection that most resembles the actual cookie."

Fernerner then took a moment to acknowledge that it's odd he calls each individual Animal Cracker a cookie, but that's company policy, and honestly they're way more of a cookie when you get down to it. He then got back to the mole-rat at hand.

"We feel this choice is going to do wonderfully for the Animal Cracker industry. The future's so bright, we've gotta wear shades. I mean, this particular animal doesn't, because it's blind, I'm told. It's blind, it's naked obviously, but as I understand it, its teeth are...hold on, I don't think I've actually ever taken a look at a picture, let me just Google the...oh. Oh no, this can't be right. I...I am sorry and I resign my post immediately after 35 years with the group."

In the wake of this abrupt departure, the National Association of Animal Cracker Makers said in a hastily written memo that it still stands by its choice, but will consider a more attractive animal next time, such as [insert literally any creature you can think of].

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