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Comedy·007

QUIZ: Choose an animal and we'll tell you who your favourite James Bond is

Wait, hold on. We just realized something.
Jeremy Woodcock · CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / Piotr Zajac)

Ian Fleming's popular detective has been around for decades now, and animals for much longer than that. What could be more fun than combining the two? Let us know your favourite animal, and we'll tell you who your favourite James Bond is!

1) If you were a big cat, what kind of big cat would you be?

a. Lion
b. Tiger
c. Jaguar
d. Snow leopard
e. Naked mole rat

Just joking on that fifth one, of course. But hold on. We'd like to take a second. We just realized something. We're not sure why we didn't just have you choose a James Bond and then we'd tell you who your favourite James Bond is. Because that would help us figure that out a lot more easily, you know what I mean? Are there even animals in the James Bond films, really? Hm. Well, anyway.

2) Which of these very large or very small creatures would you most want to be?

a. Marmoset
b. African elephant
c. Blue whale
d. Colossal squid
e. Naked mole rat

Not sure which one you picked yet but just wanted to do another quick check-in.

We're not sure why we need to involve ourselves in this process even a little. We know what we said in the first question — that we could have just asked you to choose a James Bond and based on that we could tell you who your favourite James Bond is — but even that second bit is unnecessary. Once you've answered, it's already done! That's the answer!

What else is possibly going to happen,? What are we going to possibly contribute to that exchange? "You said your favourite James Bond is Sean Connery. Based on that, your favourite James Bond is: Roger Moore." That would be idiotic!

3) Yeah. I don't know. This seems a futile exercise at this point. But, sure, ummmm: what animal would be just, like, neat to see right now?

a. Some kind of owl
b. I don't know, an ape. Whichever kind.
c. A dog?
d. Another dog
e. Naked mole rat

Yeah. We definitely should have just asked you your favourite James Bond, and then said, "Way to go."

Unless it was Timothy Dalton. A popular revisionist choice at this point, but honestly nobody's favourite.

That's why he was the naked mole rat, in case you were wondering.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy Woodcock

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.