WEATHER REPORT: Temperature Outside Drops to 0°, Temperature In Your Office Rises To 842°

It's that time of year again!

Bundle up folks, and also be sure to wear shorts and a tank top under that parka: temperatures have dropped to sub-zero, and in response, your office manager has ensured that the weather in your office should reach a balmy 842 degrees celsius.

"Yikes, chilly out!" says office manager Holly McNamanan of the Innsbruck Business Complex, located at Bay & Bloor. "I suppose the only reasonable response is to make it equally unbearable to be inside as it is outside, if not much, much more so."

Employees everywhere are bracing themselves by breaking out the winter clothes that they've put away since last winter, as well as the vacation-wear they last busted out on their 2012 trip to Cancun. We recommend you bring both, and perhaps a nice wool sweater/spandex t-shirt combo will prepare you for all eventualities!

"Usually in the winter my glasses fog up when I enter the building," says Tyler Johnson, office worker. "It's that shift from extreme cold to a little bit of warmth, I guess."

"Well today they completely shattered. They just straight-up shattered into about 42 pieces. I guess it's something to do with science? I don't know, it's too hot to think about it. I just have to think about dealing with the fact that when I get outside, all this sweat on me will freeze and I will be encased in ice. Office ice. Off-ice. Ha, that's kind of funny. I am so uncomfortable and hot. Where is a place to lie down?"

We here at the Weather Report (no association with the popular jazz-fusion band from the 1970s) contacted a spokesperson for office managers everywhere announced that things are not expected to change until May, when they will attempt to put forth a challenge to the historical scientifc concept of "Absolute Zero" when it comes to the air-conditioning for early summer.

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