Iranian transgender refugee struggles for acceptance

Editor's Note Feb. 23, 2024: This story has been updated to remove identifying information for safety reasons. 

T.M. woke in the middle of the night to find her brother standing next to her. He told her they had to leave the house — immediately. Her family was going to kill her the next day.

She was only 13 at the time, had recently been kicked out of school for being someone who looked like a boy but dressed as a girl. 

"Because this was a great tragedy for my family — I had destroyed my family's reputation in the community — my family wanted to kill me," T.M. said, speaking in Farsi through an interpreter.

This was just one of many hardships that she had to face as a transgender woman in Iran. After being persecuted her whole life T.M., now 38, arrived in Canada as a refugee eight months ago. She currently resides in Burnaby.

Challenges in Canada

Her struggle for acceptance still isn't over — she faces discrimination even here in Canada. T.M. said people avoid sitting next to her when she takes the bus.

"Especially when I don't have my sunglasses on, they see that I am a transgender person, and they leave the seat and sit somewhere else," she said.

The Iranian community in Metro Vancouver hasn't been welcoming either. 

"During the eight months that I have been in Vancouver I have walked in every community, in every neighbourhood... and I see Iranians look at me with disgust, they call me really bad names, and they don't accept me as a human."

It's a challenge for many lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender refugees who come to Canada, says gay activist Mo Kazerooni. 

"Even though they left Iran behind they still feel they won't be able to be a full participant in the Iranian community or the Canadian mainstream community," Kazerooni said.

"It could be language barrier, access to resources, not feeling accepted by the mainstream LGBTQ community, or not feeling acceptance from the mainstream Iranian Canadian community. So they will feel doubly or triply marginalized."

A struggle for many LGBTQ people of colour

It's a challenge that's not unique to the Iranian-Canadian community — it's experienced by many LGBTQ people from different ethnic communities in the Lower Mainland.

Dr. Wallace Wong, a psychologist who works with LGBTQ people from diverse backgrounds, said LGBTQ people from ethnic communities often feel like the "minority of the minority." 

"A lot of the time when they come out they have to abandon their ethnic group, the community they come from," said Dr. Wong.

He said part of the problem is the lack of awareness of LGBTQ issues in some of these ethnic communities, which leads to the misconception that being gay or transgender is unique to Western culture and doesn't exist in their communities. 

Optimism towards the future

Despite all she's been through T.M. remains hopeful about her future in Canada.

"One of my biggest hopes and dreams in Vancouver, in Canada, is to continue to learn English, to have a good career so I can contribute to society, to get married, to get a dog."

She added that she also wants to be an advocate and help give a voice to other transgender people.

T.M. is by no means worn down by life — and she wants to see how society will continue to transform in the future.

"I'm so curious to know, how are we going to evolve? How are we going to change?" she said.

"I would love to live for thousands and thousands of years, because that's how much I love life."