Best donairs in downtown Calgary surveyed by investment bankers

Anyone who's ever yearned to take a deep dive into Calgary's donair scene should keep reading. For everyone else, fair warning, because the meat — as it's said behind the deli counter — is about to start flying off the spindle. 

An underground report that's going viral among the loosely knit community of Calgary's Mediterranean food-loving lunch crowd is attempting to stick a definitive pin in a question that, at least for some, is clearly burning — what's the best donair in downtown Calgary? 

When confronted with the ineffable matter of taste some may throw up their hands and call it a day. Others though, see the concrete world of the quantifiable and plunge onward. 

We would always buy a fourth donair that was consumed by no one, we literally just did that for science- Nick Graham

And so, for the last month, a trio of donair-loving Calgary investment bankers trekked through crowded downtown streets to every donair shop within easy walking distance. 

Armed with only their wits, a love of food wrapped in a pita, and a Cuisinart KS-55C scale, the report authors visited kiosks and restaurants stretching from Eighth Street down to 13th Avenue and almost up to Eau Claire. 

"Everyone, obviously, has very strong views on what they think is the best donair in downtown Calgary," said Nick Graham, who conducted the study along with colleagues Sumeet Gupta and Brian Osiowy. "Brian figured why don't we try to settle this properly."

The resulting study provides a comprehensive analysis of beef donairs from 12 different vendors. Beef shawarma, beef gyro and "other derivatives of the standard Turkish-style beef donair were omitted," although, as a footnote mentions, a single Syrian-style donair was included in the pita universe. 

Donairs were judged on three criteria: quality, mass, and mass of meat as a per cent of total mass.

The quality measure was further broken down into five sub-categories, each weighted by importance: meat (30 per cent), groceries/vegetables (20 per cent), sauce (20 per cent), pita (20 per cent), and customer service (10 per cent). 

Each rating was determined by a mid-lunch consensus of the study authors. To obtain the necessary data for "meatiness," an extra donair was purchased, measured, disassembled and weighed. 

"We would always buy a fourth donair that was consumed by no one, we literally just did that for science," said Graham. "We took all the meat out of it and weighed the meat separately. That's how we got that measurement, with that sacrificial fourth donair." 

The study was a labour of love for the authors, who eat donairs for lunch two-to-three times a week and compiled the final report one evening "well after midnight."

"We're pretty good with Excel, so the charts and the tables weren't that time consuming," said Graham, adding the report has found fans in Vancouver, Toronto and even New York. 

Closer to home, the Calgary donair-eating community, as is appropriate, is taking more time to digest the findings. 

"Some people disagreed with our final selection," said Graham. "But that's why we provided the sensitivity tables, so people could do their own analysis." 

Read the full donair report online here.