Moving back with my parents made me realize how society makes people in their 20s struggle
It was the best thing I could have done for my mental health
This First Person column is the experience of Aubrianna Snow, who lives in Edmonton. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.
It was the hottest day of the year and I was packing up my mugs.
I had assembled the collection over five years of living on my own — mugs commemorating trips, cartoon characters, places I had worked or volunteered — all now destined for storage in my parents' garage.
Putting them away was like ending a friendship. It had already been a very challenging year and it was only July.
My lease was up in a month and my landlord had decided to raise my rent by about 20 per cent. I couldn't really blame him. I knew he could be getting more for his place in this economy.
The problem was I now couldn't get much more than a room in Edmonton for the price I'd been paying and I wasn't working. Most of my work had been contract positions, and finding something more permanent was a challenge.
Feeling of shame
My parents had suggested I stay with them for a year until I got back on my feet. It was a generous offer, but it wasn't my favourite idea.
Something about it felt like regressing and backtracking all the progress I'd made to become an independent, self-sufficient adult. There was a certain shame in being back in my parents' basement, now 26 and jobless.
I had tried to do everything right since I turned 18. I overextended myself — working, going to school, volunteering, writing and trying to secure a stable future. And despite it all, I still found myself here.
The idea of moving back with my parents in Sherwood Park, a community just east of Edmonton, had some appealing qualities. My mom's health had been up and down over the course of the past year and caring for our family's three large dogs had become a challenge for her while my dad worked out of town.
If nothing else, it would be an opportunity for me to help out around the house and save some money at the same time.
I decided to go for it. After all, it was a temporary measure. If it really didn't work out, I could probably move on within a few months.
I'd read every article offering advice for moving back in with parents as an adult and anticipated a major adjustment period on my end. The challenges and sacrifices I had anticipated, though, never came.
A sense of purpose
My parents and I quickly fell into a routine. I found I enjoyed the chance to check in with them every day, do chores and make myself useful for my family. In fact, it was less work overall than it had been living on my own. I forewent my childhood bedroom in favour of the guest room. Settling in with my parents as an adult felt different than living at home as a child.
Life took on an easier, more playful tone. My mental health improved significantly. There was always someone around, something going on, a place for me to land.
Drinking coffee from my parents' mug and looking out the kitchen window, I reflected on the ways that our society forces young people to struggle.
It's expected that you'll be financially and emotionally stable and content to hack it on your own by the time your 20s roll around.
Our ancestors didn't live like this and would probably think it was silly to try and do so. As humans, we're meant to be in relation to one another — living in community. With our family. It's what we evolved to do.
Moving back in with my parents didn't take anything away from me. It gave me back my sense of purpose, and I'm not ashamed that this chapter is a part of my story.
I've since moved out of my parents' house, unearthed my mug collection, and found a sense of meaning in the time I spent there. Every day with my parents is a gift, and I'm grateful to have a place I can always come home to.
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