'This is the worst loss': new naming rules will provide relief to bereaved parents
'The experience is so overwhelming at the time and you just want to be devastated'
Marla Hennig knows that finding a name for an unborn baby who has died unexpectedly can be excruciating for parents blindsided by loss.
She said proposed changes announced by the province Wednesday, which will allow parents to leave stillborn children unnamed in provincial death registries, or alter the given name any time after the death, will relieve some of that burden.
Hennig, who lost her own baby 11 years ago, is a facilitator with Parent Care, an Edmonton support group for parents who have experienced miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth or early infant death.
'The experience is so overwhelming'
"You're really overwhelmed at the time of the stillbirth," Hennig said in an interview with CBC Radio's Edmonton AM. "A lot of the time, parents regret not having given a name. The experience is so overwhelming at the time, and you just want to be devastated."
She said naming a unborn baby can provide comfort in the darkest moments of grief, but it can take months, even years before parents are prepared to do so.
"When you've finally accepted that the event has happened and you've come to your new normal in life, and you realize you are the parent of a child who has passed away … you then realize you want the perfect name for the child. "
"We find it very important in the grieving process, being able to speak a baby's name. To show acceptance for the event that occurred."
'It was always swept under the carpet'
Under the bill announced by Service Alberta Minister Stephanie McLean, parents would be able to register a child's birth online and parents of a stillborn child would no longer be required to name the child to register the birth.
Bill 29, the Vital Statistics and Modernization Act, makes more than 60 changes to the Vital Statistics and Marriage Acts.
Hennig said acknowledging the importance of a child's name can be part of the grieving process for bereaved parents.
"Years ago, it was always swept under the carpet," Hennig said. "Historically, we had people that just referred to loss, as just a loss. They would refer to the baby as matter, or a fetus.
'Giving him a name is the least I could do'
"And we've done a lot of work over the years ... to try and make people realize that this is such a traumatic experience, and to open their eyes to the fact that people are really affected by it."
She said such tragedies are now being given the respect they deserve. Unlike a few decades ago, parents are now given the opportunity to grieve and give their child a proper burial.
Hennig said naming her son Lucas has provided her comfort.
"This is the worst loss," she said. "My child never had the chance to see the sunlight, breath fresh air or hear music.
"Giving him a name is the least I could do for him."
"At this point in my journey, 11 years later, I'm very proud to say that I'm a mom of a child that was lost. And I'm proud to hear people say Lucas. And I'm proud to say it."
with files from Ariel Fournier