After 25 years mom-daughter team updates bestseller about 'girl-poisoning culture'

Sara Gilliam was 16 years old when her mom published a bestselling book about the lives and struggles of adolescent girls. 

Twenty-five years later — and now living in Hamilton — Gilliam has worked with her mother, psychologist and author Mary Pipher, to publish an updated version of the iconic Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls.

"It ended up being a much bigger project than we anticipated," said Gilliam, speaking over the phone from her home in Hamilton.

Reviving Ophelia touched a nerve when it came out in 1994, spending three years on the New York Times bestseller list. Drawing on her experience as a therapist, Pipher told stories of young American women coming of age in what she called a "girl-poisoning" culture."

But a lot has changed since the 90s — so for the 25th anniversary, Pipher and her daughter decided to take another look at "middle-class, middle-America girls."

Hearing from girls themselves was crucial for Pipher and Gilliam, just as it had been in the original version. They started by sending copies of the original book to teen girls around the U.S., Gilliam said, asking them to make notes and tell them what was missing.

Gilliam and Pipher then talked to dozens of girls and mothers, doing long-form interviews and focus groups in their hometown of Lincoln, Nebraska.

"The needs of girls have not changed, but the culture has changed," said Gilliam.

Existing in an online world

Social media was the most obvious shift, she said, playing a huge role in the girls' development and mental health. ​​​​​The girls they talked to were "existing primarily in an online world," said Gilliam, "which really surprised us."

This wasn't a scientific research study, she noted; they were trying to share girls' voices.

The girls they talked to were less rebellious, took fewer risks, and had fewer part time jobs than the girls the 90s, Gilliam said. They were more likely to spend Saturday night at home scrolling Instagram than going to a party.

American girls were also living with a constant anxiety around school shootings, Gilliam said.

Unlike in the 90s, they found girls weren't quieting themselves in academics — more girls are in university and succeeding academically. They also saw girls responding to political change in the U.S. with more activism. 

But the impacts of social media was their biggest takeaway.

"We do feel like there's a big experiment being conducted on this generation's young people and we don't know what the results are going to be," said Gilliam.

Many of the mothers they spoke with had no idea what their daughters were doing online, said Gilliam, who encourages parents to sit down with their kids and ask them to explain how they use the Internet ("show me how Instagram works").

It's something she's trying to do with her own young sons — even if it means watching a lot of Minecraft tutorials.

Working as a mother-daughter team

As a teenager, Gilliam had helped her mom on the original version, editing teenage dialogue to help make it sound more realistic

But Gilliam said she and Pipher were nervous about working as a mother-daughter duo for the updated version. As it turns out, however,  their biggest argument was a 20-minute spat over Google docs.

They balanced each other well, Gilliam said. Pipher is a clinical psychologist and prolific author, but a slow writer; meanwhile, Gilliam works as a magazine editor with deadlines. Gilliam says she's always had a passion for the challenges of adolescents, largely due to her mother's original writing.

Gilliam and her family moved to Hamilton soon after they started working on the book, so it also gave them a great way to stay connected.

'Fell in love' with Hamilton

Gilliam grew up in Nebraska, but was excited when her husband had a job opportunity in Canada last year.

"We wanted to live someplace that matched our political values a little more closely than the U.S. these days," she said.

Within days of moving, she "absolutely fell in love with Hamilton," noting the arts scene, diversity and access to nature.

30,000 changed words

Gilliam and Pipher removed about 30,000 words from the old version of the book and added 30,000 new ones, she said.

Among the changes was a new chapter on anxiety, which was a "clear absence" in the original version, she said. 

They wanted to interview a more diverse range of girls, talking to more girls of colour, refugees and LGTBQ girls. However, in order to make comparisons to the original, they did all their interviews in Lincoln, Nebraska.