Couple's adoption of boy with Down syndrome 'a gift and a blessing'

Former Winnipegger Alex Dudley and her wife, Holly Graham, adopted a baby boy this past June then spent a summer filled with medical emergencies, long hospital visits and surprise setbacks.

That's because their son, Jaxson, has Down syndrome. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

"He's a happy little guy and we're just happy to be out of the hospital with him," Dudley said from the CBC's studios in Calgary. "We're finally getting into a routine."

It's an extraordinary adoption story, they admit, in light of recent concerns that adoptive families don't often get the support they need in order for the adoptions to succeed.

It's a problem so widespread that adoption advocates tell CBC News it has actually led to families terminating the adoption in a process otherwise known as an "adoption disruption."

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Laura Eggertson, chair of the Adoption Council of Canada, says support varies from province to province. Manitoba ranks roughly in the middle. Alberta, however, is one of the best — an assessment that Dudley and Graham can personally vouch for.

"It's been amazing," Dudley said. "The hospital, the social workers, the adoption agency … they've been amazing."

Dudley and Graham, who live just outside Calgary, knew from the start they wanted to adopt a child with Down syndrome.

"When I was growing up, one of our neighbourhood friends, a little girl [named Mandy], she had Down syndrome and we became really good friends. And just ever since then, they're very special people and I've always had a special place in my heart for them," Graham said.

"My mom told me that when I was seven, I came home one day and I said that I'm going to be a mommy to a little girl just like Mandy."

And sure enough, the couple got the phone call last June — while on vacation in Las Vegas.

A Calgary mother had given birth to a boy with Down syndrome. And severe heart troubles. She decided she could not cope with his medical needs, so were Dudley and Graham interested?

"We were on the next plane home," Dudley recalled.

Support paved the way

Two days later, they became Jaxson's permanent guardians and are now finalizing the adoption.

They've spent most of the summer commuting back and forth from Edmonton to Calgary, dealing with Jaxson's many medical needs. And though it's drained them emotionally and financially — they've missed a lot of work — they insist that the support has paved the way.

"I don't know how we could do it without that," Dudley said when asked to compare the support that Alberta provides them versus what's available in Manitoba.

Here in Manitoba, if someone fosters a child with special needs, the province helps finance the services he needs, be it physical therapy, respite for the parents or mental health support. If a person adopts a child with special needs, that support is reduced. And if they adopt privately, it is even more limited.

Dudley and Graham, who adopted Jaxson through a private agency, said they, too, receive less support because it was a private adoption.

However, they've still benefited from provincial support, especially when it comes to Jaxson's cardiac needs. And that, they say, has made all the difference for them as a newly adoptive family.

"We think it's important for people to know that to have a child with Down syndrome is a gift and a blessing," Dudley said. "Not the opposite. He's great."

To hear more of their story, tune in to CBC's Information Radio on 89.3 FM with host Marcy Markusa at 7:35 a.m. Wednesday. Follow the family's blog, Down with Jax, here.