Becoming Canadian felt like a dilution of identity — until now
CBC Radio host Nadia Kidwai reflects on what drove her to become a Canadian citizen
After 12 long years living in Winnipeg, I finally did it. I became a Canadian.
The cascade of questions from excited friends and co-workers surrounded me after my citizenship ceremony this week: "So, do you feel like a Canadian?" "How does it feel?" "What does it mean to you to be a Canadian?"
Can you tell that I work with a bunch of journalists?
After more than a decade in this country, you would think I'd have an answer. But I don't know if I do.
Why had I delayed getting my citizenship for so long? On some level, I had felt ambivalence. It was never part of the plan to leave my homeland. Taking on dual citizenship felt like it would somehow dilute my British identity. And more importantly, I felt no real connection to Canada.
But that changed this past year.
As I dealt with an unexpected divorce and adjusted to life as single mother to my two very proud Canadian boys, I felt a sudden need to formalize my ties to this country. It was more to protect a sudden sense of vulnerability.
But as the year went on, I came to realize that gaining citizenship was more than just that: it started to become important to me on a much deeper, emotional level.
When my personal life was turned upside down and with all my family back home, I had never felt more alone and that was the turning point.
It was precisely because I was experiencing the biggest test in my life that I was able to experience just what living here meant. My friends saved me this past year. Those special souls whom God had placed in my path as I journeyed through this new country over the past decade.
Those friends became my family. They taught me the meaning of resilience, reconciliation and sisterhood.
And those friends came from every spectrum of this deliciously diverse and multicultural community we call Canada.
It was those friends who joined me at the Canadian Museum for Humans Rights on Tuesday for my citizenship ceremony.
But what I'll remember most from that day was seeing my two young sons in the audience. These little Welsh-Canadian-Pakistani-Muslim boys who were so proud and comfortable in every aspect of their rich cultural identities.
The previous day, they had coached me on the Canadian national anthem. (There was slight disagreement on whether it was "We see thee rise" or "We see thee right," but they got Mama through it in the end.)
I applied for citizenship on Louis Riel Day and became a Canadian the day after Thanksgiving. It was most certainly a journey of going out on your own, braving uncertainty and ultimately of giving thanks to my creator when I was able to finally reach my destination.
So, do I feel Canadian? I'm not sure. I don't think so. Not yet. But God damn it, I feel like a Winnipegger. A very proud Winnipegger. And a Manitoban. My work in community development, government and now media have blessed me with the honour of meeting with and learning from the people of this place.
Winnipeg has been kind to me in the most difficult and darkest of times. And it's because of the people. The relationships. The friends who make me feel like I've been here my whole life.
And isn't that what makes a place home?
