'Christmas is a dark place to live in' for families of meth addicts, says Winnipeg mother

Family gatherings for the season of love and good cheer. A warm glowing feeling with our loved ones close by to share.

Then meth forces its way in, and wreaks havoc on every Christmas tradition you've come to know.

Every Christmas season, we never know which daughter, sister and mother will walk through the door. Would it be the loving, beautiful and caring person we had known all her life? Or the paranoid and withdrawing mess that methamphetamine had created?

For families with meth addicts, Christmas is a dark place to live in. Years of drug abuse have brought doubt to everything we cherish.  

Even the gifts from the addict are opened with doubt. Why? Because you think, "Where did the money come from to buy us these gifts?" The gifts we should treasure! But we always have to wonder — were they stolen? Was something pawned? Or even worse, was she exploited for them?

The Christmas dinners have become difficult to swallow when you don't know if your child is hungry, safe, warm or even alive.- Lori Chapman

It makes you feel sick.

You can see she was sincere in giving but we could never be sure, so the presents were accepted with doubt. Her love was real — but how did this happen?

Going through the motions

The past three Christmases we've had to practise just going through the motions of the season. We lost my husband (her step-father) during this time to cancer, and now we lose her to meth. 

We finally had to remove meth from our lives and our home. That meant she couldn't be with us, even though she remained in our hearts.

That's especially difficult to cope with, during the Christmas season.

The Christmas dinners have become difficult to swallow when you don't know if your child is hungry, safe, warm or even alive. Every mouthful of food hurts. Waking up in a warm bed Christmas morning hurts. Hugging the family members hurts. Seeing a missing Christmas stocking causes hurt. 

So many things have changed since meth entered our lives.

'Nothing here to help'

We tried so hard to find proper treatment over the years, but nothing in the city is suitable for meth addiction. Detox (numerous times) has failed. Hospital emergency visits have failed.

There is nothing here to help. No one in this city is ready for the monster that is growing and ready to take so many lives. 

The meth addicts, families, friends and every part of the health-care system have been blindsided by this drug's effect.   

The police have certainly tried to combat it, but without the community standing behind them, even they will fail.

We are grateful the conversation has finally started in the city, but we need action for the addicts and the families.  

We will continue to hope and love, but until meth has been gone a very long time, we can't let our guard down.- Lori Chapman

For years we tried to hide this demon, but I refuse to stay silent any longer. I am not hiding in shame any longer. I will stand up to speak whenever asked. 

Until we treat the addicted like the people they once were, fixing the situation will elude our city. Input from the addicted and their families is an important component, so use it wisely. 

We, the families, have seen the psychosis that accompanies this high and can give first-hand knowledge to anyone requiring this information.

Love and hope

This year, we are cautiously optimistic.

This season, after many years of searching, our meth-addicted loved one has secured a treatment program. She is, as I write this, currently four months sober. Numerous overdoses and many dangerous situations had threatened her life, but she survived, and we pray she continues to survive.

Unfortunately, however, the monster lies in wait. So we must, too. 

One more Christmas with an empty seat at our table. One more Christmas with an empty hole in our hearts. 

We will continue to hope and love, but until meth has been gone a very long time, we can't let our guard down. We can't let that evil back into our lives.

So, this Christmas, for both addicts and their loved ones, I wish everyone success with their struggles. 

Because until meth is conquered, it will continue to steal their holidays and their lives.

Merry Christmas with love,

Lori Chapman
Mother of a meth-addicted daughter.

This column is part of  CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.

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