University students, professor make space for men and boys to talk about mental health
Student-led initiative, Black barbershop help create welcoming places for men and boys to open up
WARNING: This story contains details of suicide.
Vaibhav Varma points to the Roman numerals tattooed on his bicep that read, "Oct. 26, 2006," with the signature of his younger brother, Yash, layered on top of his birthday.
The ink is a reminder of and way to feel connected to Yash, who was 16 when he died by suicide in 2023.
"The fact that my brother was struggling this much, it was completely unexpected to everyone," said Varma.
Statistics Canada data released in 2022 says suicide rates were approximately three times higher among men than women, and Varma, a 22-year-old student at the University of Manitoba, wants to make sure students like him aren't suffering in silence.
He recently created a wellness group at the university, aiming to achieve that goal, which is only one of the ways men in the community there are connecting to have vulnerable conversations.
"I've realized now that men's mental health is something that more light needs to be shined on, and that led me to start this group," he said.
"I realized that if my brother was struggling and no one knew about it — I was struggling in my own way after my brother's death — there are plenty of other students who are in the same boat or are simply looking for someone to chat with."
Men's Wellness Circle UM held its first event at the end of January. Dubbed Wings and Wellness, it drew a little over a dozen people. They sat around a table at a campus bar, discussing different ways they look after themselves.
Baris Tavus, a 23-year-old international student with goals of eventually going to med school, echoed Varma's sentiment about men suppressing their emotions.
WATCH | U of M community members talk about making space for men's mental health:
While Tavus has a strong support network, he said it's not easy for others his age to speak up if they need help.
"There's a stigma about mental health and men showing emotions," he said, echoing Varma. "I believe it's social media's fault, too."
Varma isn't alone in his efforts to make safe spaces for men to have vulnerable conversations.
Barbershop talk
University of Manitoba assistant professor Warren Clarke and his student co-ordinators put on a barbershop talk event called Black Men and Misconceptions, Solidarity: Addressing Mental Health and Anti-Black Racism.
Clarke has been organizing similar events since 2018 and they've been held across Canada and even in Barbados, he said.
Some previous barbershop talks focused on sexuality and sexual health, well-being and relationship building within peer groups, he said.
"It's been a very important conversation for many Black men and boys," he said.
On Jan. 24, it was standing room only at a barbershop event that welcomed in young people, students and community members.
It also honoured Afolabi Stephen Opaso, 19, an international student who went to the university who was fatally shot by police in 2023. Opaso's family and lawyer have said he was experiencing a mental health episode the day he died.
The barbershop talk aimed to provide a safe space for attendees "to engage in open and meaningful discussions about mental health" and also discuss what's changed since Opaso's death, a news release for the event said.
Clarke said many in the university community are still grappling with Opaso's death.
"For Black men and boys specifically, there's many spaces where we can't be vulnerable," said Clarke. "We have this idea, this stereotypical idea, which is negative, that you ought to be strong and you ought to not cry."
WATCH | Warren Clarke speaks about the importance of barbershop talks:
That's a general stereotype of masculinity, but it's double for Black men and boys, Clarke said.
"It's more pronounced in the sense that Blackness in itself, it's always been and continues to be villainized, and it's not recognized as an entry point to humanity."
Clarke said at previous barbershop talks, the conversation was set for a couple hours, but ended up spilling outside the shop after it was done, an indicator of just how important the space can be for those who attend.
"A lot of people just want to be acknowledged," Clarke said. "They just want to know that … 'I'm being humanized in a social space that accepts me.'"
Meanwhile, Varma said while his brother's death was devastating, it also gave him a new life trajectory.
In fact, he nearly graduated from the university with an undergraduate degree in political science with sights on later becoming a lawyer, but he is now studying psychology and wants to be a clinical psychologist.
When he thinks of Yash, he remembers him as "the smartest person you've ever met," but what stands out to him the most is the compassion his brother had for others — a trait he hopes to display in his work with Men's Wellness Circle UM and beyond.
"Through remembering him and keeping his legacy alive, I think that has really driven me to practice more compassion myself," Varma said. "And that's what led me to start this group is to just spread compassion, because oftentimes, that's lacking.
"I think we really need that."
If you or someone you know is struggling, here's where to get help:
- Canada's Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 988.
- Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868. Text 686868. Live chat counselling on the website.
- Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre.
- This guide from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health outlines how to talk about suicide with someone you're worried about.