Sister of homicide victim hopes tragedy can act as warning to get the help you need

Laura Tingley is trying to come to terms with the fact that her only sister, Tina Tingley-McAleer, isn't going to be around for holidays, family celebrations and the upcoming birth of what would be her seventh grandchild.

"Everybody is still in shock and disbelief and trying to get everything in order," said Tingley.

"It's hard right now." 

The 43-year-old woman's body was found by the RCMP in her Hillsborough home last Saturday. Also living in the house was the man accused of killing her, Calvin Lewis.

Lewis was charged with first-degree murder. He appeared in Moncton court Monday afternoon and a 30-day psychiatric exam was ordered.

Lewis had been in court earlier this year on charges he assaulted and threatened Tingley-McAleer on Jan. 21. He was kept in jail until April 2, when he pleaded guilty. His sentence was three months in jail, which the court concluded was time served.

Tingley wrote her older sister's obituary, carefully listing the family members of the mother of three and what they all loved about her. 

"She was a great mom, friend, sister," Tingley said in an interview. "She was just remarkable."

But Tingley ended the obituary with a telling message, one she hopes can help someone else living with domestic violence.

She wrote: "For all those who are being mentally or physically abused, Tina would want to let her message be clear; go get the help you need."

She also asked that donations in her sister's memory be made to Crossroads for Women, a shelter and counselling service for people and families experiencing domestic violence, and added the centre's phone numbers to the obituary.

"I don't want my sister remembered this way," said Tingley.

"But, if her story is going to help save someone else, I'm definitely going to stand up for it.

Help available during pandemic

Kristal LeBlanc, CEO of the Beausejour Family Crisis Resource Centre in Shediac, said even with COVID-19 limiting movement, there is help available.

"All the shelters are absolutely ready and available to help anybody who can safely and is ready to come to the shelter." 

Her centre and crisis workers are deemed an essential service, but LeBlanc knows it isn't as simple as manning the phones and keeping the doors open.

While COVID-19 and its associated economic hardships and physical restrictions create "a perfect storm" of domestic violence factors, LeBlanc said there has not been an increase in women seeking shelter from abuse at home.

"What we're seeing is kind of like a calm before the storm, where we know that there are many victims who are suffering domestic violence in their homes, they're just unable to get to the shelter because of isolation restrictions, which involve the perpetrator obviously being at home way more than normal," said LeBlanc.

"For a lot of victims, home is not safe. It's a prison for them."

Even when the victim does get out, LeBlanc said studies show it takes time for them to leave for good.

"Statistically, on average someone will leave an abusive relationship seven to eight times before they leave for good and that's prior to the pandemic," said LeBlanc. 

According to Leslie Kern, who teaches women's and gender studies at Mount Allison University, the reasons someone doesn't just leave are complicated and can be related to finances and children, among other concerns.

"We do a real disservice if we spend too much time asking why does someone stay instead of asking, well, what would people need in order to leave, if that's what they want," said Kern.

Tingley said she hopes her sister's death can act as a warning. She said rather than looking back at how the system failed her, she wants to look forward to change for other women. 

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