Heartbreak of miscarriage leads Cape Breton woman to provide comfort to others

A Cape Breton woman is working to bring comfort to others who have experienced miscarriage or infant loss.

Petra Buis of River Ryan, N.S., had a miscarriage in 2019 and said she was fortunate to have a supportive network to help her cope.

It was the first of three miscarriages she would have.

Buis said she would come home from procedures to find flowers, food, snacks and other comfort items left by family and friends.

But she said it made her think that others going through similar experiences might not be lucky enough to have the level of support she had.

"What I wanted to do is really be able to give back to our community on the island and help women and people in need during such a difficult time," she told CBC Radio's Information Morning Cape Breton.

Buis said she approached the Cape Breton Regional Hospital Foundation with the idea of providing comfort bags.

The foundation already had a similar program for mothers in need, Buis said, so the Forget Me Not initiative was accepted and moved ahead quickly. 

Buis said there is a stigma around miscarriage and pregnancy loss and many people feel alone and ashamed.

"There is a small message within the bag just to kind of say, you're not alone, you're not forgotten about ... that baby and that loss is not forgotten about," she said.

Buis said the name of the initiative was chosen because the forget-me-not flower is a symbol of miscarriage and pregnancy loss.

The bags feature a picture of a forget-me-not flower on them and include hot and cold compresses, comfy socks, herbal tea, Tylenol, panty liners and pads and a bath bomb.

Since it started in December 2021, the program has given out 150 packages, Buis said.

Donations needed

Jillian Delorey, a social worker who works with families experiencing miscarriage and infant loss, told Information Morning Cape Breton the bags are not only appreciated by patients but also by staff who have a chance to give some measure of comfort at a difficult time. 

"They're entering these appointments with what they think is a baby.... They might be anxious about it, but reality is they're leaving with a loss," Delorey said.

"This is just some comfort for them and something for them to leave with to show that they aren't alone."

Delorey said providing the bags should be standard practice in hospitals.

But Buis said the program has only raised enough money for 60 more packages.

"We are at the point where we are kind of desperate and really in need of donations to continue this program," she said.

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