Tough Truths: Maybe I'm more selfish than I thought I was

This is part one in the three-part series Tough Truths by spoken-word artist Kanaar Bell. Kanaar says there's a key message behind these videos: "You're not going through these growing pains of 2020 alone."

This first piece is about balancing what we give to others with what we give to ourselves. 

Written and performed by Kanaar Bell for CBC. 
Video produced by Nic Takushi for CBC. 

As Kanaar says, in part: 

I believe, 

That we, 

Should know best…

And that's just something I'm learning to trust,

After YEARS of,

Being unquestioningly answerable,

Which was my tainted way of being responsible,

Rushing,

To every need,

Every cry,

Every, 

And any call of help,

I just wanted to prove myself. 

I thought I had nothing to offer but courage and hope,

For the hopeless,

Walking through life with,

Expired memories,

Beliefs,

And emotions,

'Cause….

I knew how that went, too. 

So,

If there isn't enough room for me here,

I'll break out,

Set sights,

On new heights, 

Pick out a new glass ceiling,

And learn how to fly

'Cause…

With all this fire inside, 

Imma end up burning something…

It just can't be me again. 

For more stories about the experiences of Black Canadians — from anti-Black racism to success stories within the Black community — check out Being Black in Canada, a CBC project Black Canadians can be proud of. You can read more stories here.